In many countries, schools have severe problems with student behaviours. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience
Recently, schools have been dealing with bad-mannered students in many nations. I believe that new technologies might cause
this
and there would be several solutions to tackle this
problem.
To commence with, the new advanced technologies have changed behaviors
of students. When having Correct article usage
the behaviors
an
easy access to the Remove the article
apply
Internet
, students might be exposed to a wild
range of information online. To put it differently, children are able to explore the net with no observation from their parents. Correct word choice
wide
Hence
, through this
search
they would face some Add a comma
search,
contents
which are not suitable for their age. Fix the agreement mistake
content
For instance
, families should not avoid supervising their children, they would end up visiting pornography websites; that
has detrimental effects on their mental health.
To provide some solutions for inaccurate manners of pupils, the one and the most practical solution Correct pronoun usage
which
can be
more prohibitions from families and the Wrong verb form
is
government
on the Internet
. The government
can provide a special Internet
for children by that, it is possible to implement some filters on the net they use. On the other hand
, the government
should impose a great observation on video games; because these games usually content violent. Moreover
, parents ought to be careful about the contents are
visited by their kids, plus they have to watch out Unnecessary verb
apply
the
games that they play regularly.
Change preposition
for the
To sum up
, nowadays pupils act badly in their education environment because the
unfortunate side effects of the Change preposition
of the
Internet
developments and there are some possible resolutions to that, more prohibitions and limitations from the families and the government
, can reduce the negative effects of that.Submitted by Pbaharlou70 on
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task achievement
The essay extensively discusses potential causes and solutions for student behavior issues, with a specific focus on the impact of technology. However, it would benefit from a wider range of causes beyond technology alone to provide a more comprehensive response. Consider discussing other potential factors such as family background, peer influence, and school environment.
coherence and cohesion
The arguments are generally clear, but some sentences are slightly awkward or unclear. For instance, the first sentence of the second paragraph could be rephrased for clarity. Review the essay to ensure that all sentences are clearly structured and easy to understand.
coherence and cohesion
There are a few grammatical errors and awkward phrasings, such as "content violent" and "the contents are visited by their kids." Review the essay for grammar and idiomatic expressions to improve overall readability.
introduction conclusion structure
The introduction clearly states a problem and gives a general direction for the essay by suggesting that technology is a primary cause.
task achievement
The essay makes a clear effort to provide specific solutions to the problem discussed, which shows a good understanding of the need to address the issue comprehensively.
introduction conclusion structure
The concluding paragraph effectively summarizes the main points, reinforcing the essay's arguments and providing closure to the discussion.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.