IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

In many countries elderly population is increasing What are the advantages and disadvantages?

#countries #population
A
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The
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 number of elderly
people
is
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are
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 rapidly growing in many countries across the world and, it has a huge impact on
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the economical
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economical
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economic
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 and socio-cultural situation of various countries.
This
 essay will suggest that
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the subject-matter
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subject-matter
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the subject-matter
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 experience of elderly
people
 and strong cultural bonds are the biggest
advantage
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advantages
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 of
this
 phenomenon, but
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fewer
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less
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fewer
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people
 in
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the workforce
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workforce
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the workforce
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 and
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an increase
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increase
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an increase
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 in
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apply
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the
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apply
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Government
 spending are the primary disadvantages. The main advantage of having more population of elderly
people
 is the knowledge they can provide with their
year
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years
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 of experience and subject matter expertise. Elderly
people
 can
also
 guide
younger
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the younger
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 generation in better
decision making
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decision-making
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.
Furthermore
, senior citizens contribute a lot
in
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to
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 fostering
the
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apply
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family values and cultural norms, which leads to strong social bonds among
the
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apply
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younger
people
. Despite these advantages,
increasing
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the increasing
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 population of elderly
people
put
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puts
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 more strain on
economy
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the economy
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 because it decreases the number of
people
 in
country’s
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the country’s
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 workforce.
As a result
, it becomes more difficult for employers to find suitable candidates for a Job.
Moreover
, the
Government
 has to spend more on
social
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the social
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 and financial security of senior citizens, which reduces the resources available to the
Government
 which can be used for more important issues of the country like providing better education, health care
and
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apply
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employment opportunities etc. In conclusion, the growing number of elderly
people
 has advantages, especially their experience in various
field
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fields
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 and their contribution towards sustaining
cultural
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the cultural
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 and societal values of the country. At the same time, it
also
 poses serious disadvantages like
less
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fewer
show examples
people
 in
workforce
Add an article
the workforce
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 and more
government
 spending on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
social security.
Submitted by aayushvsanghvi8 on

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task response
To further improve task response, try incorporating a wider range of specific, detailed examples that clearly demonstrate the advantages and disadvantages of the increasing elderly population. This will strengthen your argument and provide a more comprehensive view on the topic.
coherence cohesion
Enhance the coherence of your essay by ensuring smoother transitions between paragraphs and ideas. Using a variety of transition words and phrases can help connect your thoughts more fluidly, making your essay easier to follow.
coherence cohesion
To improve cohesion, consider developing your main points further by elaborating on how they specifically impact various aspects of society. This could involve examining the societal, economic, or cultural effects in more depth, which will make your essay more persuasive and complete.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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