IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Young people who commit serious crimes should be punished in the same way as adults.To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Introduction
Some people argue that teenage criminals who commit serious crimes should be imposed sentences as tough as adults.From my perspective,I agree with
this
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 point of view for the following reasons.
Body · 1
First of all,if we don’t bring young criminals to justice
due to
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 the Juvenile Protection Act,it could lead to the fear of crime among the public and cause civil unrest.The reason is that there is a high probability of reoffending.
For example
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,some repeat offenders are likely to take revenge on victims
as well as
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 their families if they are not sent to prison.In
this
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 way,the law couldn’t deter other potential criminals if they don’t have to be responsible for different degrees of crimes committed.
This
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 might promote the development of a criminal subculture among teenagers too.
Body · 2
Moreover
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,some children are from disadvantaged backgrounds,
thus
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 they are ignorant of the law and are driven to great lengths of desperation by poverty,
as a result
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,they engage in delinquent behaviours for survival.In
this
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 case,heavier punishments will raise their awareness of the consequences of their wrongdoings and prevent their reoffending.
For example
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,they can receive vocational training and equip themselves with employment skills,which will help them find work and reintegrate into society,but
this
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 requires time and effort.
Therefore
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,they need longer-term of sentences for rehabilitation.
Body · 3
Certainly,there might be some advantages in terms of being more tolerant towards juvenile delinquency,it is often argued that they are too young to take the equal responsibility as adults.
While
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this
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 may be true up to a point,the fact is that a lot of youngsters are precocious and they intentionally keep crossing the bottom line of the legal system because they know they won’t pay much for the price.
Conclusion
In conclusion,I agree with the suggestion that we should introduce stricter laws on juvenile delinquency.It can not only promote turning offenders into law-abiding citizens but
also
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 make teens think twice before violating the law.

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Introduction & Conclusion
Make sure your introduction and conclusion are clearly distinct and directly address the task statement. Present a clear stance in the introduction and summarise your main points in the conclusion.
Logical Structure
Organise your essay with clear, logical paragraphs. Each paragraph should present a single main idea supported by examples or further explanation.
Cohesive Devices
Use a variety of cohesive devices (e.g., conjunctions, pronouns, synonyms) to link ideas within and across paragraphs. Avoid overusing or misusing these devices.
Task Response
Fully address all parts of the task. Your essay should provide a clear, relevant response to the prompt, including whether you agree or disagree and why.
Idea Development
Develop your ideas fully to meet the reader's expectations. This involves explaining your points clearly, providing specific examples, and demonstrating how these examples support your stance.
Specific Examples
To improve specificity, include real-life examples or statistics to support your arguments. This strengthens your credibility and the persuasiveness of your essay.
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