IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Q. Some people say that web content should be used to instruct children. Others think that it is not helpful in an educational setting. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#q #people #web #content #children
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These days,
people
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 are reconsidering the value of
web
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-based
education
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. There are many
people
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 who think that
web
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content
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 should not be used to instruct
children
Use synonyms
 in recent years,
while
Linking Words
 some
people
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 with a more positive view of educational
web
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content
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 strongly disagree with that idea, saying that using
web
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content
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 as
education
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 should be used. Personally, I think that we should use that
web
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content
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 to teach
children
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. When evaluating the perspective of the
people
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 who say that
web
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education
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 is not helpful as an environment, it is possible to suggest that they think
this
Linking Words
 way
due to
Linking Words
 the low quality of
education
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.
For example
Linking Words
, if
children
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 learn a lot of
courses
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 at home through
web
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content
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, they should study by themselves even if it supplies
such
Linking Words
 a good
education
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 system. There is a possibility that they could not concentrate on attending
courses
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 in their rooms because many factors that disturb them would be beside them.
However
Linking Words
, if they steadily go to school and join classes organized by their teachers, they will have better conditions to focus on what they are learning about. Even though attending classes in reality is more important for
children
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, using
web
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content
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 could be useful for
children
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 because they don't have any opportunities to attend
courses
Use synonyms
. An excellent example of
this
Linking Words
 occurs in Kenya. All
people
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 agree that
education
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 for
children
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 should be a top priority in society, but some countries, like Kenya, do not have enough educational infrastructure to give them chances to study,
Whereas
Linking Words
 global NGO groups have
made
Verb problem
apply
show examples
minimized schools there, it is not enough to support their
education
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 system because there is a lack of transportation infrastructure as well. To overcome
this
Linking Words
 worst condition, learning
web
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content
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 is very valuable for
children
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. To sum it all up, it is undeniable that learning
web
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content
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 is not enough to help
children
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 learn
courses
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instead
Linking Words
 of attending classes, but I personally believe that
web
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content
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 should be used to teach
children
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 if their educational environment is not plentiful in specific areas.
Submitted by lss870311 on

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coherence cohesion
To improve your score, consider adding more varied and complex sentence structures. This can help to enhance the readability and sophistication of your essay.
task achievement
It's crucial to clearly state your own opinion throughout the essay, not just in the conclusion. This helps the reader understand your standpoint from the beginning and see how you build your argument.
task achievement
Try to integrate more specific examples that directly support your argument. While the example of Kenya is excellent, adding one or two more examples can provide a stronger base for your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Ensure your introduction clearly outlines the structure of your essay. This sets expectations and helps the reader follow your discussion more easily.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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