IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some organisations believe that their employees should dress smartly. Others value quality of work above appearance. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own

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There is no denying the fact that
appearance
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 is most important to both genders.
While
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 it is a commonly held belief that some companies believe that their employees should dress appropriately, there is
also
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 an argument that others think the
quality
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 of
work
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 is more valuable than
appearance
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.
This
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 essay will analyse
this
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 topic from both points of view and express my opinion. On one hand, it is crucial to show neatness and elegance in your
work
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 ,
as well as
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 your look reflecting your personality.
In other words
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, plenty of organisations care about your
appearance
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 especially when you face clients and important people.
In addition
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, there are many institutions that have strict regulations on their
appearance
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 and they determine what you wearing depends on your schedule.
For example
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, if you are going to meet a new job , first they will notice your
appearance
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 and
then
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 resume.
On the other hand
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, other companies care more about the
quality
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 of your
work
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. It is
also
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 possible to say that your efforts and passion are essential rather than how you look or what you wear.
Moreover
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, with new developments and rapid growth , they are concentrated on
quality
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 tasks and skills.
For instance
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, plenty of organisations have in their contracts conditions about employees
such
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 as evaluating your
work
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 and how to handle these tasks. In conclusion, there are no easy answers to
this
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 question. On balance,
however
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, I tend to believe that
appearance
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 and value
quality
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 of
work
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 are significant factors for every organisation.

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task achievement
Your essay presents a clear discussion of both views and includes your own opinion. However, expanding more on your points and providing additional relevant examples could strengthen your arguments and improve your Task Achievement score.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a logical structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the introduction could be clearer, and the conclusion could be more emphatic. Enhance the coherence by ensuring smooth transitions between paragraphs and ideas.
task achievement
The essay covers both views regarding the importance of appearance and quality of work. This balanced discussion is essential for a high score in Task Achievement.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of the essay, with clear delineation of different viewpoints, supports the coherence well. The prose is generally easy to follow.
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