IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

There should be strict laws banning people from taking photographs of people under 18 in order to protect young celebrities and the children of celebrities. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Undoubtedly, the question of whether strict
laws
Use synonyms
 should be enacted to prohibit the photography of individuals under 18, particularly young celebrities and children of celebrities, raises complex ethical and legal considerations. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will examine the arguments both in
favor
Change the spelling
favour
show examples
 of and against
such
Linking Words
 legislation. On one hand, proponents of strict
laws
Use synonyms
 argue that they are essential for safeguarding the privacy and well-being of young individuals, especially those thrust into the public eye
due to
Linking Words
 their celebrity status or familial ties.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
minors
Use synonyms
, particularly those in the spotlight, deserve protection from intrusive media scrutiny that can negatively impact their development and mental health.
In other words
Linking Words
, constant surveillance and invasion of privacy can lead to undue stress, exploitation, and even harassment.
Secondly
Linking Words
, children of celebrities are entitled to a normal childhood free from the pressures of fame and public scrutiny, and strict
laws
Use synonyms
 can help shield them from unwanted attention and exploitation.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, opponents of
such
Linking Words
laws
Use synonyms
 contend that they may infringe upon freedom of expression and the public's right to information.
Firstly
Linking Words
, photography is often considered a form of artistic expression and a means of documenting public life, and overly restrictive
laws
Use synonyms
 could impede legitimate journalistic and creative activities.
In other words
Linking Words
, limiting the ability to photograph
minors
Use synonyms
 in public spaces may have unintended consequences for freedom of speech and the press.
Secondly
Linking Words
, enforcing
such
Linking Words
laws
Use synonyms
 could pose significant logistical challenges and raise concerns about selective enforcement and censorship. In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
 the protection of
minors
Use synonyms
, especially those in high-profile families, is undoubtedly important, the implementation of strict
laws
Use synonyms
 banning photography of individuals under 18 requires careful consideration of competing interests and potential consequences.
Therefore
Linking Words
, I believe that
while
Linking Words
 measures to safeguard the privacy and well-being of
minors
Use synonyms
 are necessary, any legislation in
this
Linking Words
 regard should strike a delicate balance between protecting
minors
Use synonyms
' rights and upholding principles of freedom of expression and the public's right to information.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Your essay provides a well-rounded approach to the topic, but to improve task response, ensure you clearly state your position early on. While you explore both sides of the argument, your own stance should be evident to guide the reader throughout the essay. Additionally, consider concluding your essay with a stronger, more definitive stance.
coherence and cohesion
To enhance coherence and cohesion, focus on clearer transitions between paragraphs and within them. Use phrases that explicitly signal the beginning of your argument, a counterargument, and your conclusion. This will help the reader follow your line of reasoning more easily.
task response
Your essay would benefit from more specific examples to support your arguments. While the general arguments are strong, real-world instances or hypothetical scenarios can make your points more relatable and compelling. This specificity also helps in illustrating a deeper understanding of the topic.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Incessant media attention
  • Right to privacy
  • Detrimental effect
  • Exploitation and misuse
  • Formidable deterrent
  • Positive example
  • Regulating the actions
  • Digital footprint
  • Unauthorized sharing
  • Mental health
  • Paparazzi
  • Celebrities' children
  • Legal protection
  • Psychological impact
What to do next:
Look at other essays: