IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Children who are brought up in a family that does not have a lot of money are better prepared to deal with problems when they become adults than children who are brought up by wealthy parents. Do agree or disagree with the statement.

#children #money #adults #parents
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Several schools of thought have a strong conviction that youngsters who belong to middle-class families can better cope with daily challenges later in
life
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 when they become mature in comparison to
children
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 who belong to financially well-to-do families. I concur with
this
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 statement for several reasons. In
this
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 essay, I have elucidated all the factors behind
this
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 social dilemma with supporting evidence and instances.
To begin
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 with, many youngsters who are brought up in a poor family have a basic understanding of daily
life
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 challenges which makes them more knowledgeable about
life
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struggles
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 than rich kids. They know the
struggles
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 of their parents and siblings which automatically make them resilient and hardworking in their
life
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.
Secondly
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, These youngsters have already gone through so much in their lives that after a certain age, they become more resilient in comparison to adults who have a rich background. Another major reason behind the success of poor
people
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 is their aim and objectives which they already have determined quite early in their
life
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. These
children
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 have more experience in tackling daily
life
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struggles
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 and know much better how to achieve success in
such
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 situations.
On the other hand
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,
children
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 who belong to the elite class usually have no motivation in
life
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 to achieve success. They have all the materialistic luxuries in
life
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 which make them a bit relaxed and careless. Another reason behind the lack of knowledge and skills is the
overall
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demeanor
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demeanour
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 of elite students. Rich
people
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 have not struggled in
life
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 for survival. The social circle of
such
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children
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also
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 belongs to the same category of
people
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.
However
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, these
children
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 suffer late in
life
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due to
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 their lack of knowledge and expertise.
For instance
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, many research studies have proven time and time again that
people
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 who lack motivation in their early
life
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 take
long
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a long
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 time to become independent in
life
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. In conclusion, I firmly believe that initial
struggles
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 in
life
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 can prove to be a big advantage for underprivileged
children
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 later in
life
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, In fact, I believe that initial
struggles
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 can make or break a person in
life
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.
Submitted by sb101tahirgul on

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task response
Ensure a clear thesis statement in the introduction to express your position directly. This guides the reader through your argument.
task response
Increase usage of specific, real-world examples to support your main points. This adds credibility and depth to your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Work on a stronger, more concise conclusion, summarizing your key arguments and restating your position to leave a lasting impression.
coherence and cohesion
Improve the transition between paragraphs with the use of cohesive devices. This enhances the flow and makes the essay easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Develop paragraphs with a single clear idea, supported by detailed examples or explanations, to maintain focus and coherence throughout.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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