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Writing Samples
Band 7

The internet is a great course of information and has opened up opportunities for people to learn all over the world. Is all information reliable on the Interent?What could be done to control information online?

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The Internet is a great place to get
information
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 which can help
people
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 all over the world
to
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apply
show examples
learn many new things. In my opinion, some of the
information
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 that can be found online cannot be trusted because everyone can write whatever they want freely on any platform, and some
people
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 tend to publish the wrong
information
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 to be popular.
Therefore
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, it is important for the
government
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 to take the right action to control
this
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 issue.
Firstly
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, some of the
information
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 online cannot be reliable because everyone has access to the internet, and they can write whatever they want freely.
In other words
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, some individuals give some
information
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 based on their views without studying the subject they are talking about properly.
For instance
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, on some sites, there is a lot of
information
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 that gives wrong
information
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 about the COVID-19 vaccination, and many
people
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 have believed it and avoided taking the vaccination.
This
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information
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 is not approved by the World Health Organization. Another reason is that some
people
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 post fake
information
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 in order to be famous.
That is
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 to say, these days,
people
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 love to be popular, and they can do anything in order to achieve their goals.
For example
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, there are many videos on YouTube that give false
information
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 to
people
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 with the aim of attracting more views to generate more income and popularity. When
people
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 rely on
this
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information
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, sometimes they can face many problems.
Finally
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, it is important for the
government
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 to take action by controlling the posts that
people
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 make on any platform. If they give strict punishment to those who post fake
information
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, the number of wrong
information
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 on the internet can be reduced.
Moreover
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, the
government
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 can educate
people
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 by organizing awareness programs so as to make sure all individuals use the right sources to get their
information
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.
To sum up
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, I believe that not all the
information
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 online can be used, and the
government
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 should take the right action to control fake
information
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 on every online platform. If they do not do
this
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, many
people
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 will believe the wrong
information
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.

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Task Achievement
Ensure all main points are supported with relevant, detailed examples. While your essay touches on the impacts of misinformation and proposes solutions, embedding more specific, real-world examples could enhance the clarity and persuasiveness of your arguments.
Task Achievement
Strengthen your introduction by clearly stating your main points or arguments that will be discussed in the body paragraphs. This helps in setting a clear direction for your essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
Work on connecting your ideas more smoothly within paragraphs and across the essay. Transition words and phrases can help improve the flow of your writing, making it easier for the reader to follow your thoughts.
Coherence and Cohesion
For coherence, ensure that each paragraph sticks to one main idea and that this idea is clearly introduced at the beginning of the paragraph. This helps in maintaining focus and clarity throughout your essay.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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