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Band 7

The internet is a great course of information and has opened up opportunities for people to learn all over the world. Is all information reliable on the Interent?What could be done to control information online?

#internet #course #information #opportunities #people #world #interent #control
The Internet is a great place to get
information
 which can help
people
 all over the world
to
Verb problem
apply
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learn many new things. In my opinion, some of the
information
 that can be found online cannot be trusted because everyone can write whatever they want freely on any platform, and some
people
 tend to publish the wrong
information
 to be popular.
Therefore
, it is important for the
government
 to take the right action to control
this
 issue.
Firstly
, some of the
information
 online cannot be reliable because everyone has access to the internet, and they can write whatever they want freely.
In other words
, some individuals give some
information
 based on their views without studying the subject they are talking about properly.
For instance
, on some sites, there is a lot of
information
 that gives wrong
information
 about the COVID-19 vaccination, and many
people
 have believed it and avoided taking the vaccination.
This
information
 is not approved by the World Health Organization. Another reason is that some
people
 post fake
information
 in order to be famous.
That is
 to say, these days,
people
 love to be popular, and they can do anything in order to achieve their goals.
For example
, there are many videos on YouTube that give false
information
 to
people
 with the aim of attracting more views to generate more income and popularity. When
people
 rely on
this
information
, sometimes they can face many problems.
Finally
, it is important for the
government
 to take action by controlling the posts that
people
 make on any platform. If they give strict punishment to those who post fake
information
, the number of wrong
information
 on the internet can be reduced.
Moreover
, the
government
 can educate
people
 by organizing awareness programs so as to make sure all individuals use the right sources to get their
information
.
To sum up
, I believe that not all the
information
 online can be used, and the
government
 should take the right action to control fake
information
 on every online platform. If they do not do
this
, many
people
 will believe the wrong
information
.
Submitted by s_syedy on

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Task Achievement
Ensure all main points are supported with relevant, detailed examples. While your essay touches on the impacts of misinformation and proposes solutions, embedding more specific, real-world examples could enhance the clarity and persuasiveness of your arguments.
Task Achievement
Strengthen your introduction by clearly stating your main points or arguments that will be discussed in the body paragraphs. This helps in setting a clear direction for your essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
Work on connecting your ideas more smoothly within paragraphs and across the essay. Transition words and phrases can help improve the flow of your writing, making it easier for the reader to follow your thoughts.
Coherence and Cohesion
For coherence, ensure that each paragraph sticks to one main idea and that this idea is clearly introduced at the beginning of the paragraph. This helps in maintaining focus and clarity throughout your essay.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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