IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

In their advertising, businesses nowadays usually emphasise that their products are new in some way. Why is this? Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

#businesses #emphasise #products #development
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Nowadays, brands are often commercialising the
products
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 they sell by highlighting new features that come with them.
This
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 essay will cover the underlying factors behind
this
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 action, which mainly are related to the brand’s selling target. In my opinion,
this
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 kind of advertisement is leaning towards a negative development and
thus
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 should not be taken too far. Entrepreneurs are insisting that their
products
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 are new in one way or another because of their desire to raise brand awareness and increase their sales. In order to achieve these, the
products
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 need to convince potential customers to make a purchase.
However
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, customers would not buy something that they already possess.
Therefore
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, offering new features or advantages of a certain product will allow it to be marketed effectively.
Nonetheless
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, it is undeniable that
this
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 way of promoting the
products
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 can be damaging, as it may encourage individuals to live an unsustainable life.
For instance
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, one customer who has numerous beauty
products
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 may be intrigued by a lipstick labelled with several kinds of claims, alongside the words “brand new”.
Instead
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 of consuming the goods that one already has appropriately and wisely, there will be a growing tendency to buy unnecessary things and waste plenty of money. All in all, it can be inferred that the development of today’s advertising has the power to influence what society must purchase.
Although
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this
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 type of advertisement flourished in order to reach the entrepreneur’s goals of meeting the sales target and brand awareness, it was done at the cost of people becoming more consumptive.
Hence
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, I believe the drawbacks of
this
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 development are quite significant.
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coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which is good. However, to improve, try to use a wider range of cohesive devices and transition words to enhance the flow between ideas.
task achievement
Make sure to fully develop and extend your main points with specific examples. While the essay touches on the key issues, more elaboration with precise instances or data would strengthen the argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • emphasise
  • advertising
  • products
  • innovation
  • competitive strategy
  • consumer dissatisfaction
  • value
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