IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people say free time activities for children should be organised by parents. Others say that children should be free to choose what they do in their free time. Discuss both views and give your opinion

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Although
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 some individuals believe that
children
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 should be free to choose the
way
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 to spend their leisure
time
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 because it is beneficial to their personality, I fully agree that parents should select the
activities
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 that their
children
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 do in their free
time
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due to
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 their experiences and maturity. On the one hand, those who support the idea of
children
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’s freedom believe that it is the best
way
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 to strengthen their personalities.
For instance
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, when you give
children
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 the initiative to select what they prefer to consume as hobbies, their confidence and self-esteem will rise
as a consequence
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 as their brains receive those actions as a sign of maturity and
awarness
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awareness
moreover
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 they will build responsible and strong personalities .I remark
this
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 type in my sister who usually makes every decision
bon
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on
 her own .
On the other hand
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,
children
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's free
time
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activities
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 must be controlled by parents. Kids
due to
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 their lack of experience, they can get into harmful things.
Such
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 as drugs and alcohol, without realizing it's dangerous. So parents with their knowledge, can select convenient
activities
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 that combine with enjoyment and learning. Recent research conducted in London shows that about 90% of drug addicts have started their addictions at the age between 12 and 20. In conclusion,
while
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 various people think that giving the son or the daughter the responsibility to choose the
way
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 to spend their relaxing
time
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 is the best
way
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 to enhance their autonomy, I assume that mothers and fathers have to manage the
activities
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 that their
children
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 affect in their free
time
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 to ensure their safety and to protect them.

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task response
Try to provide more specific and varied examples to strengthen your arguments. Referencing just one personal anecdote might not be enough to convincingly support your points.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that there is a smooth and logical transition between sentences and paragraphs. This will help improve the overall readability and flow of your essay.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure to proofread your essay to eliminate minor grammatical errors and improve sentence structure.
introduction
The introduction clearly presents both sides of the argument and states your opinion, providing a clear framework for the essay.
logical structure
The essay presents a balanced discussion of both viewpoints before arriving at the conclusion, which helps in creating a comprehensive argument.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • balanced development
  • expose children to
  • tailored activities
  • promote discipline
  • foster independence
  • genuine interests
  • free play
  • problem-solving skills
  • emotional well-being
  • unstructured time
  • personal exploration
  • structured activities
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