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Writing Samples
Band 6

In some countries, more and more people are hiring a personal trainer, rather than playing sports or doing exercise exercise.what are the reasons for this. Is this a positive or negative development?

#countries #people #trainer #sports #exercise #development
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Personal fitness trainers are becoming more and more popular in some
countries
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. I believe
this
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 is mainly because
people
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 in these
countries
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 are becoming wealthier and busier with
work
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. Unfortunately,
this
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 is a negative development because it prevents
people
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 from making more friends through sports. Some
countries
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 have significantly developed. Take China,
for example
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. It used to be mainly a manufacturing economy. There was no way poor Chinese factory workers could afford gyms, let alone enjoy the luxury of personal trainers. They played sports in public spaces for free to exercise. Now, China has grown to be the
second biggest
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second-biggest
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 economy in the world. It has more and more high-paying workers who have the money to splurge on expensive personal coaches. Another reason might be that
people
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 today are more occupied with their jobs. The good old days when
people
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 only needed to
work
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 eight hours a day and five days a week are gone. Some
countries
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 now have a "996"
work
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 culture that often requires employees to
work
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 from 9 a.m. to 9 p.m., six days a week.
This
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 means that they wouldn't be able to show up for a yoga class that starts at 7 p.m. on weekdays or play basketball with friends on Sundays. Their best option would be to hire a private trainer who can accommodate their busy
work
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 schedule.
This
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 can be bad for
people
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's social lives. Playing sports or attending group classes is a great way for
people
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 to meet those who share the same interests as themselves.
This
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 can make exercising more interesting and
therefore
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 easier to get through. Certainly, a person can develop a good relationship with their trainer, but
this
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 relationship will probably end once they stop being a client. In conclusion, some
countries
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 are becoming richer and their workers are required to
work
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 longer hours.
This
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 gives rise to the growing popularity of private fitness trainers.
However
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, it can be harmful to a person's social life and
therefore
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 should be seen as a negative trend.
Submitted by Keterolac on

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Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure that your essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. The introduction should present the topic and your thesis statement clearly. Each body paragraph should focus on a separate point or reason and be linked coherently to your overall argument. The conclusion should summarize your main points and restate your position clearly, without introducing new information.
Task Achievement
Improve task response by fully addressing all parts of the task. Make sure to explain both the reasons for the trend and discuss whether it is a positive or negative development comprehensively. Include specific examples to support each reason you present, ensuring that your argument is balanced and complete.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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