Poverty is a problem that affects the majority of children these days. Discuss the effects of poverty on society and suggest some solutions to this problem.
In the modern world, one of the major
problems
of many children
nowadays is not having money. In rural areas, these problems
play a significant role. such
as a lack of education, lack of nutrition. This
essay will explain the effect of poverty problems
on children
with solutions for improving problems
.
It is undeniable that the main issue of poverty is a lack of income from their parents. which is the result of job opportunities in their location. Because wealth depends on their expense, if they work far from their home they must spend on transport costs. One of the effects is the emotion of their children
. For example
, many children
need toys or games and that impacts their emotions, if they do not have them. Moreover
, they have a significant effect on the country since if they are in poverty it means that the government
fails to maintain their people's life.
To solve this
problem, individuals and the government
should participate together to enhance. First of all, the government
should create more job opportunities. Such
as generating the new industry for their jobs. Secondly
, the government
should encourage them for education. Because if they know they can find a jobs for making income. In the section on individual roles, they should find a job with a higher salary.
To conclude
, famine plays a crucial role in problems
in many countries. the government
and individuals can modify this
problem. If these efforts are continued famine will soon be a problem of the past.Submitted by kungslowjam on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
Task Achievement
To improve in task achievement, ensure that your essay fully addresses all parts of the task. Although you discussed the effects of poverty and proposed solutions, offering more detailed examples and a deeper analysis would enhance your response. Moreover, be cautious not to drift off-topic by focusing on narrower aspects, such as the impact on children’s emotions, without broader societal context.
Coherence & Cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, work on organizing your ideas more logically and clearly. Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea and that your overall essay structure flows from introduction to body paragraphs to conclusion. Using a variety of linking words effectively can also help enhance cohesion between ideas.
Coherence & Cohesion
Additionally, to improve your coherence and cohesion scores, you could benefit from developing your paragraphs more thoroughly. Each paragraph should start with a clear topic sentence, follow with explanations or examples, and conclude with a summary statement that ties back to the essay's main points. Consider also the use of transitional phrases to smoothly guide the reader from one idea to the next.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite