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Band 6

topics: We live in a world of technology these days. While the internet brings with it clear advantages, the problems in terms of control and security of information outweighs the advantages. To what extent do you agree

#topics #world #technology #internet #terms #control #security #information
In an era where the World Wide Web is extremely well known by a large number of people, and where the
Internet
 has revolutionized, it is clear to say that
Internet
Correct article usage
the Internet
show examples
 has been a crucial part of our everyday lives. Despite that, there is
also
 an overwhelming amount of people which concerned in terms of control and safety where private information may lead to a critical security breach which is unsafe for society.
Therefore
, I agree that even though the
internet
 has led to a lot of positiveness like online learning and international communication, we must not overlook the negative impact it could bring.
Firstly
, it would be right to mention that the
internet
 has brought us to be globally connected with each other.It has changed societies and workplaces significantly.
For instance
, educational institutions do distance via online classes, brandings that have gone international and simple pen pals through friends you made on platforms like Instagram and Facebook.
Nevertheless
, among multiple positive developments after wifi and other
internet
 services, there are some concerns regarding the safety information and the mishandling of data.
This
 approach could lead an individual with a criminal mindset to cause harm to users online.
For example
, the abuse of other funds and private information that are being used illegally to purchase or apply for a mortgage.
Finally
, after analyzing the negative aspects the
internet
 could lead,
therefore
, higher-ups like the government and certain foundations should start the awareness of other people's safety through any online platform used by society.
Submitted by syaaakhansa on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure clear paragraph structure with one main idea per paragraph to improve logical structure and coherence.
coherence cohesion
Include an introduction that clearly states your position and a conclusion that summarizes your main points to fully address the task.
coherence cohesion
Support your main points with more detailed and specific examples or evidence to strengthen your argument.
task achievement
Clearly state how your argument relates to the extent of your agreement or disagreement with the statement given, for a complete response.
coherence cohesion
To make your ideas clearer and more comprehensive, use linking words to better connect your sentences and paragraphs.
task achievement
Include more specific examples and details to fully illustrate your points and make your argument more convincing.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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