IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Nowadays more and more who are looking for work have to compete with younger people for the same jobs. What problems does this cause? What are some possible solutions?

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Recently, the
old
Fix the agreement mistake
older
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generation
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 needs to compete with the younger
generation
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 in order to get the same
job
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.
This
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 essay will discuss the
problems
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 that come from
this
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 phenomenon and possible measures to tackle the
problems
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.
Firstly
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, there are many things that cause
this
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, one of them is
technology
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. Right now, we are living in
digital
Add an article
a digital
the digital
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 era where information and
technology
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 grow quickly.
However
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,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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people
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not
Add a missing verb
are not
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prepare
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prepared
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 for
this
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 extreme change of digitalization. Many
people
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 are not ready for
this
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, especially for older
generation
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. Starting from
smartphone
Fix the agreement mistake
smartphones
show examples
, digital
bank
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banks
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, and
the
Correct article usage
apply
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cutting-edge
technology
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such
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 as Artificial intelligence that shape
job
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 needs in the market. The
job
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 demand in the market keeps changing following the latest trend. It makes older
people
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hard
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apply
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to follow the
job
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 market.
While
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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technology
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rocketly
Correct your spelling
rocket
rockets
rocketry
 grows,
Economy
Correct article usage
the Economy
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,
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apply
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 has been hit badly since
COVID-19
Correct article usage
the COVID-19
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 plague
spreads
Wrong verb form
spread
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 in 2020. Many
people
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 lose their
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job
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jobs
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 because some
of
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apply
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business
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businesses
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 not doing well, especially
in
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apply
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conventional
business
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businesses
show examples
.
Transportation
Correct article usage
The transportation
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, food, and entertainment industry need to adapt in order to survive in
this
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 age.
For instance
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, the entertainment industry
shift
Wrong verb form
shifted
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 toward digital, platform like TikTok, Instagram, and YouTube reached their peak visitors during
this
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 time. There is one solution
can
Correct pronoun usage
that can
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 be considered
from
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for
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 these
problems
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.
Government
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The government
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 might need to
involve
Wrong verb form
be involved
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on
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in
show examples
 how to connect the older
generation
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 with new
job
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demand
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demands
show examples
.
For example
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, giving
technology
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 education through offline
event
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events
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 as they need more time to
adopt
Correct your spelling
adapt
show examples
in
Change preposition
to
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the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
digitalization. As the safe space
created
Add a missing verb
is created
show examples
 through the event,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
older
people
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 can learn and shorten the knowledge gap. In conclusion,
Technology
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 and
Economy
Replace the word
the economic
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 situation are some of the
problems
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 that cause
this
Linking Words
 phenomenon. Government
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 can help to connect the older
generation
Use synonyms
 and educate more toward
job
Use synonyms
-market demand.

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structure
Ensure the introduction clearly presents the essay's topic and your stance or approach to the question. Consistently anchor your paragraphs around a single main idea, supporting it with specific examples or data where possible.
cohesion
Make use of a wider range of cohesive devices (linking words) to guide the reader through your arguments smoothly. While a basic structure is present, enhancing the flow with more sophisticated transitions would improve readability.
content
Deepen the analysis within your body paragraphs by tying each example more explicitly back to the essay question. Each paragraph should not only present a problem or solution but also explain its relevance and impact in context.
grammar and vocabulary
Pay attention to grammar and vocabulary. Aim for precision in your language choices and vary your sentence structures to demonstrate linguistic flexibility. Review basic grammar rules to avoid common mistakes.
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