IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

With the increased global demand in oil and gas, undiscovered areas of the world should be opened up to access more resources. To what extent do you agre

#demand #oil #gas #areas #world #access #resources #agre
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Due to
 the growing need for gas and oil,unknown parts of the planet should be discovered in order to have more access to necessary resources. I totally disagree with the given statement as it might cause climate change and habitat problems in the future and there are far more environmentally friendly ways to obtain fuel or
energy
 We should not be looking for new places to mine since it raises the risk of harming the environment.Burning of fossil fuels can contribute to greenhouse gas emissions which are the main factor of global warming.
Furthermore
, animals will have to leave their usual living place and find new areas to inhabit.It can bring unexpected consequences, namely dying out because of encountering dangers,that are new for the migrated animals Investing money in alternative
energy
 can be a better method of getting electricity as it has both environmental and economic benefits: Renewable
energy
 has no carbon emissions which will lead to cleaner air and water.
Moreover
, a new form of electricity may cost next to nothing since its fuel supply never runs out.
Additionally
,there is a belief that
this
 way of gaining fuel is likely to bring new job opportunities.
For instance
,Denmark’s authorities have been trying to cut toxic fumes since 1990 by stopping extracting or importing ordinary resources and
ended
Wrong verb form
ending
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 up reducing gasses by 70%. In conclusion, I strongly believe that opening up undiscovered areas is not a proper idea
due to
 the issues we might face
as a result
 of mining.The focus should be on
a
Remove the article
apply
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renewable
energy
 as it can be much beneficial way to maintain a country with electricity
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task achievement
Strengthen the introduction by making a clearer statement of your position. Consider mentioning briefly the two main reasons you will discuss later.
task achievement
Work on providing more comprehensive ideas. Some arguments, particularly in the first body paragraph, could be expanded to provide more insight.
coherence cohesion
Improve the logical structure by ensuring smoother transitions between paragraphs and ideas. Using phrases like 'in addition,' 'moreover,' or 'alternatively' can help.
task achievement
You have effectively provided relevant and specific examples, such as the case of Denmark, which strengthen your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Introduction and conclusion are present, which helps in framing the essay well.
coherence cohesion
Main points are logically organized and well-supported throughout the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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