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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Children learn best by observing behavior of adults and copying it. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#children #behavior #adults
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There are those who hold the view that following examples of
adults
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 and behaving
similarly
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 to them is the best lesson for
children
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. I strongly agree with the view, as countless
adults
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 worldwide can become great role models for the younger generation, associated with their practical methods of living and significant contribution to our society.
To begin
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, following
adults
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 who have thorough behaviour can lead
children
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to
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in
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 the right direction, particularly in a challenging situation.
For example
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, a large number of
adults
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, including popular sports athletes and famous entrepreneurs, share a variety of their life stories through media
such
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 as on websites and TV shows, which are easily accessible. These life stories, which consist of their own ways of tackling different problems including diseases and mental health problems, contribute to teaching
children
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 practical methods to overcome difficulties.
In addition
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, if
children
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 can find particular
adults
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 who are closer to them,
such
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 as parents, teachers and relatives, these
adults
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 could demonstrate solutions to the way of handling different issues which would happen in daily life.
While
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 these lessons might not be logical or even less practical,
children
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 can be taught precious practices for improving human skills through real situations dealing with their close
adults
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.
Consequently
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, it would be a meaningful lesson for
children
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 to act in a similar way, realising the importance of helping each other. In summary, I wholeheartedly agree with the argument that observing the respectful behaviour of
adults
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 and acting
similarly
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 to them benefits in a significant way to
children
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. It can teach the young generation quite practical methods for living as good role models, encouraging
children
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's motivation to deal with their challenges.
Submitted by taekojb77 on

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task achievement
To enhance task response, ensure that your essay directly addresses the prompt fully from the introduction through to the conclusion. Integrate more varied examples and evidence that connect directly to your main argument to make it more compelling.
coherence cohesion
To strengthen coherence and cohesion, work on linking ideas more smoothly within and between paragraphs. Use a wider range of cohesive devices (e.g., moreover, however, consequently) effectively. Ensuring each paragraph flows logically into the next can significantly improve readability and the strength of your argument.
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