IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

In many countries, traditional foods are being replaced by international fast food. Many people think that it is good to eat traditional foods while others believe that fast food is a good choice. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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It is often argued that people tend to prefer international junk
foods
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 rather than their native cuisines
;
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,
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 but the opponents say that traditional
foods
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 have always been a smart choice for their daily
meals
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. In
this
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 essay, I will elaborate on both views and demonstrate my opinion. On
one
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the one
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 hand, having traditional cuisines offers various
of
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apply
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health benefits.
For instance
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, eating
meals
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 which are prepared with fresh and local ingredients and local cooking methods helps us absorb adequate nutrition needs per day, simultaneously preventing overweight issues.
Moreover
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, by consuming traditional
foods
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, people help preserve their culture and pass it on to future generations, which is an important part of a country's cultural heritage.
However
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, local
meals
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 might require more time and effort to prepare, but it delivers a richer and more diverse culinary experience.
On the other hand
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, health risks have been considered seriously
due to
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 the
increasing
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increase
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 of international convenience food. Dehydrated
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meals
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meals are
meals were
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 often rich in fats, sugar, and sodium, which can lead to numerous health issues
such
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 as obesity and heart disease.
Nevertheless
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, it is undeniable that junk
foods
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 are typically more convenient, quick and easy to access, which suits modern, busy lifestyles;
this
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 industry
also
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 creates numerous jobs and contributes remarkably to the economic progress of a country; but
this
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 type of meal should be used with strict
behavioral
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behavioural
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 control.
To conclude
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 the essay,
in
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from
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 my perspective, I strongly agree with the idea of preserving the culinary heritage not only to maintain our healthy bodies but
also
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 to restrain the future of the obesity epidemic. By doing
this
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, people who have already felt comfortable with fast
foods
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 can approach their native cuisines and begin to adjust to using fewer portions of convenience
meals
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.

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task achievement
Consider elaborating more on specific examples or providing more concrete data to support your arguments about the health benefits of traditional foods and the economic impacts of fast food.
task achievement
Work on diversifying the sentence structures and using more varied vocabulary to enhance clarity and engagement.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that all ideas presented are fully developed and follow a logical sequence to improve the flow of the essay.
coherence cohesion
You have provided a clear introduction and a well-rounded conclusion that summarizes your point of view effectively.
task achievement
The essay discusses both views comprehensively and offers a balanced perspective.
task achievement
You have successfully identified the key issues related to the topic, such as health benefits, cultural heritage, and convenience.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • nutritional value
  • culinary heritage
  • preserve traditions
  • global cuisine
  • obesity epidemic
  • dietary habits
  • convenience factor
  • food culture
  • sustainable practices
  • local produce
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