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Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people think that schools are too competitive and that this has a negative impact on children. Others believe the competitive environment encourages children to achieve. Discuss both these views and give your opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Nowadays, some individuals argue that academic competition in educational institutions has negatively impacted children's mental health
while
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 others argue that it boosts confidence in
students
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 to become academically successful. In
this
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 essay, I will discuss both points of view before presenting my opinion. Children suffer from mental health problems like anxiety and stress
due to
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 constant comparison with other
students
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 .Children who do not perform well in studies lose their confidence and often feel anxious undermining their capabilities. It is
also
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 argued that not every child is good at academics and schools should work on their system so that every child discovers his/her own passion and interest.
For example
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, some
students
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 are average at studies but excellent in sports activities.Schools should encourage
such
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students
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 to participate more in extracurricular activities to sharpen their talent.
On the other hand
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,there are people who argue that the benefits of a competitive
environment
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 considerably outweigh its disadvantages. The main reason for believing
this
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 is that it creates a positive
environment
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 for
students
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 to work hard towards achieving their academic goals.
Moreover
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, a competitive
environment
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 in schools prepares
students
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 to get admission to top colleges and universities which would
otherwise
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 be impossible if they're not trained to deal with academic pressure.
For Instance
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, IVY universities like Harvard and Yale have strict admission processes and eligibility requirements that only extraordinary
students
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 with excellent academic backgrounds would get an admission letter. In conclusion, I believe both arguments have their merits. On balance,
however
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, I feel that educational institutions should advocate a healthy competitive
environment
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 without compromising on the mental well-being of
students
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.

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task achievement
In the introduction, clearly state your opinion to give a stronger position on the topic.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words like 'firstly', 'secondly', and 'finally' to improve the flow of your ideas.
task achievement
Try to add a few more specific examples to support your points, which can make your arguments stronger.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a good structure with a clear introduction, body, and conclusion.
task achievement
You present both sides of the argument well, showing that you understand different views.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • undue stress
  • academic achievement
  • critical thinking
  • interpersonal skills
  • unhealthy rivalries
  • social isolation
  • bullying
  • reduced collaboration
  • motivation
  • achieve their goals
  • resilience
  • perseverance
  • innovation
  • improvement
  • outperform
  • higher standards
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