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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Sports is one of the most important draws on television today. Some people argue that the practice of showing sports on television is to blame for the poor health of young generation by encouraging them to watch rather than partake in physical activity. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this view?

#sports #television #people #practice #health #generation #activity
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The most favourable program on
television
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 is exercise nowadays. There are many communities who are against
this
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 and believe
television
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 programs are better to persuade youth to participate in actual events rather than watching them.
This
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 essay will argue why
this
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 idea is not totally acceptable despite many drawbacks. The majority of people are interested in doing physical activities throughout the day as it is refreshing. They strongly criticize the media for showing a great deal of sports programs and justify that teenagers spend a lot of time gazing at
television
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 which brings about poor sight.
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, they assume sitting at home and watching
television
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 makes them inactive as we know the more you stimulate your mobility the better physical gestures you will get and lack of it makes youth more laid-back
along with
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 deprivation from their own daily tasks.
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, they believe observing more exercise events harms these generations's health, badly. Considering the whole world in
one
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 picture, we infer that there is not
one
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 order for the universe and
one
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 has to overview from different angles and perspectives. In spite of having side effects when
one
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 overdoes it ,
television
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 programs teach a variety of useful materials to the younger generation.
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, assume that
one
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 is not a man of sport, but rather prefers to see them on electronic devices , should they ban themselves from observing? In a nutshell, even though physically conducting sports leads to positive body performance and health in the long term, we ought to consider freedom of choice. in conclusion,
this
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 essay argues that people who only approve of physical activity and criticize the media for it, have a flawed understanding of
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 issue and they may need to consider more factors and consequences. I partially believe in
this
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 point of view and assume
television
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 must continue the trend for those youth who are not interested in an actual activity or even may not have the opportunity to do so.
Submitted by keyhan454 on

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task achievement
You've done a fair job presenting the argument, but there's room to deepen the engagement with the topic. Try to explore the question more thoroughly by introducing a wider range of arguments and examples.
coherence cohesion
Ensure your essay has a clear introduction, body, and conclusion. The introduction should more explicitly state your opinion on the topic.
task achievement
Develop your main points with specific, detailed examples. General statements need to be supported with concrete evidence or instances that illustrate your point.
coherence cohesion
Work on strengthening the logical flow of your essay. Use a range of cohesive devices beyond simple connectors like 'moreover' and 'in addition'. Experiment with synonymy, ellipsis, and substitution for smoother transitions.
coherence cohesion
Pay attention to grammatical accuracy and range of vocabulary. Consistent minor errors and limited vocabulary range can impact the clarity of your ideas and arguments.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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