IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

It is sometimes possible to pay somebody to do things you don't want to do, or don't have time to do, for example, household chores or looking after children. Is this a good way of providing work for others? Should people do these things themselves? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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Some individuals prefer to hire people to do their daily missions, and
this
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 results in varied deterrents.
Such
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 as lack of time, inability to do them or unwillingness. These tasks are separated into several fields, cleaning houses, baby setters and washing cars. From my perspective, I believe that there is no problem with
this
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 notion, but you should control yourself to avoid being dependent.
Moreover
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, it offers work opportunities for others. For speech about the importance of
this
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 for the workers, there are numerous people who do not have enough qualifications that make them get a job,
in addition
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, in some countries there is strong competition for getting a position.
As a result
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, they are unable to provide for their major needs. For these reasons, I consider working as a services provider a perfect chance for those who don't have a livelihood.
For instance
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, I was watching an influencer who passed a heinous circumstance that forced her to work as a services provider which made her move out of her crisis. In some instances, I think it is a useful method,
however
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, it depends on the reasons that led to ordering
this
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 service. If they get these for unimportant motivations, they undoubtedly will be considered lazy.
Whereas
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, in some cases, the reasons are more realistic.
Such
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 as, if they are ill, if their houses are big and if they have a lot of children, which means they cannot take care of them.
Finally
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, I completely accept
this
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 concept. Because it is beneficial for all parties. There are persons who benefit from
this
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 in a positive way in comparison, others who use
this
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 in a negative way.

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task achievement
Make sure to provide a clearer thesis statement in the introduction, outlining the main points of your essay.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that ties back to the main argument to improve coherence.
task achievement
Include more specific examples or anecdotes to support your ideas stronger; for instance, share more details on the influencer's story mentioned.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words and phrases effectively to connect your ideas better, aiding the flow of your writing.
task achievement
You presented a balanced view on the topic, considering both sides of the argument, which shows critical thinking.
coherence and cohesion
The essay is organized into clear paragraphs, which helps in understanding the main points.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Employment opportunities
  • Economic contribution
  • Specialization
  • Efficiency
  • Work-life balance
  • Productivity
  • Leisure time
  • Stress reduction
  • Quality of work
  • Trained professionals
  • Dependency
  • Life skills
  • Personal fulfillment
  • Self-sufficiency
  • Accomplishment
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