Sports is one of the most important draws on television today. Some people argue that the practice of showing sports on television is to blame for the poor health of young generation by encouraging them to watch rather than partake in physical activity. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this view?

#sports #television #people #practice #health #generation #activity

Nowadays, more

stations

broadcast

sports

programs

to attract

youngsters

who are into

sports

. Most people believe that the trend,

however

, has caused unhealthy habits because they passively watch the

programs

rather than do physical

activities

.I highly disagree with that notion because of two reasons.

Firstly

, watching

sports

programs

can encourage

youngsters

to do physical

activities

. The

sports

programs

bring about energetic spirits as

stations

broadcast

the

sports

competition with lively audio and

visual

Fix the agreement mistake

visuals

show examples

For instance

, one

the

Change preposition

of the

show examples

most prestigious

sports

events in the world, World Cup, has caused many

youngsters

to play soccer. Many

stations

promote the World Cup even before the competition is happening, which eventually creates euphoria among

youngsters

nationwide. Thanks to the live

broadcast

, many

youngsters

are eager to play soccer in smaller competitions or inspired to be soccer athletes.

Therefore

sports

programs

can stimulate

youngsters

to have the same physical exercise.

Secondly

stations

broadcast

sports

programs

because numerous

youngsters

love and do

sports

. In fact, physical activity

centers

Change the spelling

centres

show examples

and

sports

communities have become popular among

youngsters

Thus

, many

stations

capture

this

phenomenon.

Therefore

, it has produced various

sports

programs

in order to generate revenue even better.

For instance

, Badminton is the most loved and followed by young people in Indonesia. It creates opportunities for

stations

broadcast

badminton competitions, from national to international, and eventually generate billions of rupiah of revenue because of advertisements during the airing time.

Therefore

, with or without

sports

programs

youngsters

still do physical

activities

. In conclusion, I strongly disagree that showing

sports

programs

on television causes an unhealthy young generation. Physical

activities

, mainly

sports

, have been part of youngster’s lifestyles, and

stations

solely follow the market demand. Those

sports

programs

televisions

Fix the agreement mistake

television

show examples

, in fact, encourage

youngsters

to do physical

activities

even more.

Submitted by riki on Sat Mar 02 2024

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task achievement

Expand on your introduction by briefly outlining your main arguments. This will provide a clearer overview of your stance to the reader right from the beginning.

coherence cohesion

Enhance the cohesion of your argument by using a wider range of linking words and phrases. This will help your essay to flow more smoothly from one point to the next.

coherence cohesion

In your conclusion, aim to succinctly summarize your main points, reinforcing your argument. This will strengthen the overall impact of your essay.

coherence cohesion

Integrate a wider variety of sentence structures throughout your essay to demonstrate linguistic range and accuracy.

task achievement

Consider including counter-arguments to provide a more balanced viewpoint and then refute them to strengthen your own position.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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7Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

305 words

6.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

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Some people say that government should increase the tax on petrol in order to decrease traffic and pollution. Do you agree with this opinion?

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