Write about the following topic: More and more people today are spending large amounts of money on their complexions in order to look younger. Why do people want to look younger? Do you think this is a positive or negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words.
Many
people
say that outlook is very important and they always try to look younger by spending money
on spas or other beauty clinics. This
means they don’t want to look old, ugly
and Correct word choice
and ugly
also
don’t want people
to look at them and point out their ugliness. In my point of view, this
is a good and also
bad
development because Correct article usage
a bad
this
could help their complexions
but also
led
them to sickness.
To start with, I believe that Wrong verb form
lead
complexions
are very important. However
, spending money
on the outlook just
for wealthy Add a missing verb
is just
people
. While
spending money
to build a healthy body and a pretty complexion is really assential
, Correct your spelling
essential
people
will have to spend plenty of hours from day to day in the beauty clinic just for
update and beautify their looking. Change preposition
to
Furthermore
, if they do plastic surgery to change the structure of their body such
as nose
, eyes, mouth, etc; it Correct article usage
the nose
really
painful, and for Add a missing verb
is really
long
period, they could get Correct article usage
a long
sickness
and feel the chemical and physical change in their bodies. Replace the word
sick
For example
, a woman using drugs and other chemistries for her skin to have lighter
tone, Add an article
a lighter
she
could get skin cancer when she Correct pronoun usage
apply
get
older.
Change the verb form
gets
On the other hand
, spending huge
amount of Correct article usage
a huge
money
on complexions
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
it
own positive side. Change the pronoun
its
First,
you could have a prettier looking
with Replace the word
look
light tone
skin, a chubby mouth, big eyes etc. Correct your spelling
light-toned
Moreover
, they would have enough confident
to get outside in front of the Replace the word
confidence
crow
Correct your spelling
crowd
instead
of shy
about theirselves.
In conclusion, though Add a missing verb
being shy
complexions
and beauties are necessary, they also
have various of
disadvantages Change preposition
apply
Correct word choice
and effect
effect
Correct your spelling
affect
on
our health Change preposition
apply
in
both chemical and physical sides. Change preposition
on
Overall
, my opinion on the complexions
is not really assential
, you just need to have Correct your spelling
essential
a
normal Correct article usage
the
looking
that you Replace the word
look
original
Change the word
originally
.
Add a missing verb
did.
Submitted by ngovhngoc on
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task achievement
You have presented an argument with both sides, but your ideas could be developed further, especially with specific, real-life examples to strengthen your argument. Try to elaborate on your points with more detailed examples or statistics from reliable sources.
coherence cohesion
Your essay lacks clear, logical transitions between ideas which affects the overall coherence. To improve, use more linking words or phrases (e.g., 'Furthermore', 'In addition', 'However', 'On the contrary') to guide the reader through your argument smoothly.
coherence cohesion
There are some grammatical errors and inappropriate word choices throughout the essay ('assential' should be 'essential', 'theirselves' should be 'themselves'). Pay attention to spelling, grammar, and appropriate vocabulary usage to ensure clarity and accuracy in your writing.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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