IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

Many animals are endangered in the environment. Some people argue that we should only protect those endangered animals that are useful to human. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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With rapid urbanization,many animals are on the verge of extinction
due to
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 the loss of natural habitat.Some folks argue that only the mammals providing benefits to the human race should be protected.
This
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 essay totally disagrees with that statement.I believe that all the endangered species are worth protecting because of their role in natural biodiversity and for the maintenance of the ecosystem.
To begin
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, the extinction of any creature leads to dominance of other species down the food chain which creates problems for the
overall
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 environment.To illustrate
this
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, when a tiger disappears from a habitat,
this
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 may lead to overpopulation of a single type of dominant animal like Zebra or Deer which could cause the loss of a variety of flora from that region.
This
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 lack of biodiversity can cause environmental hazards like climate change and pollution. Another advantage of preventing all wild creatures from extinction is their role in keeping a balance in the ecosystem.The absence of cats in an area would result in the abundance of rats, which can be a source of disease for the remaining population of organisms.
For example
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, in the twentieth century, a plague which was spread by rats caused the death of thousands of people.
Moreover
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, all the species are important for the potential scientific discoveries.
For instance
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, a large number of medicines and medical devices are made from genetically engineered animal proteins or by utilizing their organs.Prosthetic cardiac valve implants made from tissues of cows and pigs are just a few examples. In conclusion,
although
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 the animals beneficial to humans are important to be preserved, I think that all the endangered animals should be given importance to keep the universe diverse and to protect the ecological balance.

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coherence and cohesion
Try to improve the logical flow between sentences and paragraphs. Using transition words and phrases can help link your ideas more smoothly.
coherence and cohesion
Use more sophisticated vocabulary and sentence structures to make your essay more engaging and less repetitive.
task achievement
While your main points are clear, you could provide more specific examples or evidence to make your arguments even stronger.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task achievement
The task is fully addressed, and the viewpoint is clearly stated and supported with relevant reasons and examples.
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