IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

Some people believe that nurses should not have to pay for their nursing degrees. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #nurses #degrees
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is a common argument that
nurses
Use synonyms
 don't have to pay for their education. I completely agree with
this
Linking Words
 idea for the reasons described below. It is true that
nurses
Use synonyms
 shoulder a huge responsibility and their career is an indispensable part of society. Considering their critical role in the community, the health system would collapse without their existence. The fact that they are immersed in their tasks, and how much their schedules are busy should not be neglected by the government.
For example
Linking Words
, they have to take the tests on time, talk with patients to make them calm, and do the vaccination at the exact time, which requires discipline, patience, and dedication.
However
Linking Words
, by exempting them from paying for their courses, their job satisfaction tends to increase, and
this
Linking Words
 would be felt among people in a short time period. Another compelling reason for
this
Linking Words
 perspective is that states must try to attract more people to
this
Linking Words
 career. Nursing lessons at university are very challenging compared to other majors.
Also
Linking Words
, there are many other fields students can follow in order to earn far more with even less effort.
For example
Linking Words
, doctors earn a much more competitive salary. What's more, as other majors
such
Linking Words
 as engineering in artificial intelligence are becoming dominant, it is a necessity to try to make the conditions more convenient for
nurses
Use synonyms
. They, for sure, would compensate for the expense the government has paid for their education.
Finally
Linking Words
, it is apparent that the consequences of a decrease in the number of
nurses
Use synonyms
 lead to a crisis because people would die from simple illnesses. In conclusion, I believe that
nurses
Use synonyms
 should be exempted from paying for their lessons
due to
Linking Words
 their vital role in society
as well as
Linking Words
 preventing a decline in their numbers.
Submitted by TUTOO on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Achievement
To improve Task Achievement, ensure that your essay precisely addresses the prompt. While your argument is clear, refining the specifics of how the absence of tuition could directly affect both nurses and the healthcare system will bolster your argument. Expand on the direct implications of free education for nurses, probing into societal benefits, retention rates, and quality of care.
Coherence & Cohesion
Increase coherence by linking your ideas more fluidly. While you have a strong logical structure, using more varied transitional phrases between ideas and paragraphs, such as 'On the other hand,' 'Furthermore,' or 'Considering the foregoing,' could enhance the flow of your essay and improve reader understanding.
Coherence & Cohesion
To enhance Cohesion, further develop the connection between your main points and provided examples. While your examples are relevant, ensuring that each is clearly tied back to your core argument will construct a more compelling case. This can be achieved by explicating the significance of each example and how it substantiates your stance.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Healthcare workforce
  • Pivotal role
  • Demographic shift
  • Nursing shortage
  • Tuition fees
  • Fiscal prudence
  • Public health investment
  • Job satisfaction
  • Attrition rates
  • Personal accountability
  • Education subsidies
  • Taxpayer burden
  • Resource allocation
  • Professional dedication
  • Health policy
What to do next:
Look at other essays: