IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people consider price as most important thing to think about when buying product (such as cell phone) or service (medical treatment). Do you agree or disagree?

#people #price #product #cell #phone #service #treatment
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In the contemporary world, purchasing things is more challenging than it used to be in the past because of stiff
price
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 competition between sellers.
Therefore
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, people are focused on
price
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 the most despite the qualities and materials of the product. In my point of view, I agree with
this
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 statement and I will demonstrate the reasons why the crowds consider the
price
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 rather than other features and measurements.
To begin
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 with, similar
products
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 are sold at distinct
prices
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 in the market is common and ubiquitous nowadays. Because there are many manufacturers and service providers that offer identical
products
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 and services to their customers. One of the ways to survive in the competition is to manipulate the customer by providing reasonable quotations.
That is
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 why people tend to choose services and
products
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 based on how much they will pay for them.
For example
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,
according to
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 a recent study, the vast majority of customers who receive medical services from various medical institutions have voted they choose cheaper ones.
Secondly
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, another reason why
prices
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 are presented differently is that there are many middle entrepreneurs who buy
products
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 from suppliers and
then
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 sell them to end-users by adding some profits.
Moreover
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, the
prices
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 are calculated depending on how much margin is added to the cost.
Therefore
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, it is better to compare features and
prices
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 when you purchase something.
To conclude
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, despite the other features and measurements,
price
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 is considered a key aspect that affects people’s purchasing
behaviors
Change the spelling
behaviours
show examples
 and attitudes because of intermediary sellers in the market and competition between producers.
Submitted by ms2002aq on

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Introduction
Ensure that your introduction succinctly presents the topic and your viewpoint. Your introduction successfully introduces the topic, but refining it to clearly outline your stance could make your argument stronger.
Body Paragraphs
In your supporting paragraphs, aim to explore your main arguments in greater depth. You've provided relevant examples, but expanding on these with more detail and explanation could enhance your essay.
Conclusion
For a stronger conclusion, aim to succinctly restate your main arguments and the stance you've taken. While your conclusion summarises your viewpoint, reinforcing it with a brief recap of your key points can leave a lasting impression.
Coherence & Cohesion
Symmetry in your essay's structure can be improved by ensuring that each paragraph flows smoothly into the next. Using cohesive devices effectively can facilitate this. Consider varying your connective phrases for a more polished transition between ideas.
Task Response
Your essay effectively addresses the prompt, providing a clear stance and well-supported arguments. This alignment with the task's requirements is commendable.
Use of Examples
You've successfully incorporated relevant examples to support your main points, enhancing the persuasiveness of your essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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