In many countries, people are now living longer than ever before. Some people say an ageing population creates problems for governments. Other people think there are benefits if society has more elderly people. To what extent do the advantages of having an ageing population outweigh the disadvantages?
In recent times, data shows that the highest proportion of the population in many countries belonged to the elderly. Some consider it beneficial for societies,
while
some
others lay claim that it could be difficult for governments to deal with Correct quantifier usage
apply
this
condition. The in-depth analysis in the following paragraphs intends to discuss why this
essay explores the negative points of the ageing communities outweigh the positive points.
Having old people in societies would obviously have some benefits. The elderly have been living a life which is filled with many noticeable experiences, so they could use the knowledge for the benefit of their communities. Take politics as an example, authorities mostly are individuals who have enough experience and knowledge that they have earned over decades. It means that having this
option for a government would be absolutely useful based on the ground
that they are aware of various policies, rules, and regulations which youngsters might not know or even they might not Fix the agreement mistake
grounds
care
about at all.
Rephrase
even care
On the other hand
, some drawbacks cannot be ignored. As it is obvious, this
age group need more healthcare such
as medicines, equipped hospitals, and powerful doctors. Not only does this
require a considerable amount of budget, but also
needs work labourers. Moreover
, this
could be challenging for governments to provide it. Additionally
, this
group are only consumers, they are unable to affect the economic or growth domestic production(GDP) of their countries. A clear example is farming, most of the farmers are experienced ones who have enough information about how to produce products like vegetables. As soon as,
they are unable to work, they would be consumers.
After scrutinizing both sides, what can be concluded is that Remove the comma
apply
although
the elderly people would be beneficial for the governments, because of all the costs they make for societies in general, they cannot be advantageous.Submitted by royakarimi435 on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
task achievement
Be sure to provide a balanced discussion of both views before concluding. Your essay leans heavily on the disadvantages, which could imply a lack of thorough exploration of the advantages. Aim for a more balanced examination of both sides to fully address the task.
coherence cohesion
Your essay generally follows a logical structure, but some paragraphs could be better organized to enhance readability. Consider using clearer topic sentences and transitional phrases between points to guide the reader more smoothly through your argument.
task achievement
While you provide examples, they can sometimes be too general or hypothetical. Strive to include more specific, real-world examples or statistics to bolster your arguments and make them more convincing to the reader.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!