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Band 6.5

In the developed world, average life expectancy is increasing. What problems will this cause for individuals and society? Suggest some measures that could be taken to reduce the impact of aging populations.

#world #life #expectancy #individuals #society #measures #impact #populations
it is widely believed that average
life
 expectancy affects the community and residents. The aim of
this
 essay is to discuss the issue that can be caused by average lifespan and from that, some viable solutions could be taken into account to tackle the situation. It is possibly said that there certainly are reasons behind
this
 trend. One of the most obvious problems is the elderly may put a heavy burden on the state's healthcare structure because of their reduced immune systems.
As a result
, they are vulnerable to chronic diseases that require special medical treatment and need a large sum of national budgets. Another alarming factor leading to
this
 situation is the money for the elderly investment
such
 as medical care or homecare
instead
 of other fields which they won't have enough money to invest
other
Change preposition
in other
show examples
 commodities.
As a consequence
, economic growth and
overall
 quality of
life
 will be hurt which puts pressure on the next generation.
However
, there are various measures that governments could take to mitigate the issue. One solution to
this
 problem is the contribution of the government budget for welfare and social benefits. The government can promote the quality of elderly
life
 by holding programs for the elderly or increasing the pension. Through
this
 site, the elderly can get more merits from earning money and get rid of the risk of the unemployment rate. One more viable measure is the encouragement of youngsters who dedicate the potential foundation for the country. Governments should allocate increased resources to the education and healthcare of
young
Correct article usage
the young
show examples
 generation.
This
 strategic investment not only alleviates the financial burden on parents but
also
 enhances the productivity of the emerging workforce . In conclusion,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
medical care and other
welfares
Fix the agreement mistake
welfare
show examples
 for the elderly are the main problems of average
life
 expectancy which affects society. In the future, if the above-mentioned measures are taken, the situation will be improved significantly
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coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which is good. However, you can further improve the logical flow by using a wider range of cohesive devices and ensuring smoother transitions between your ideas.
task achievement
You have addressed the task and provided some relevant ideas and examples, but there is room for more detailed development and exploration of these points. Additionally, providing more specific examples could help to enhance the clarity and relevance of your response.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • average life expectancy
  • developed world
  • increase
  • individuals
  • society
  • personal goals
  • ambitions
  • quality of life
  • leisure
  • recreation
  • healthcare costs
  • challenges
  • healthcare system
  • ageing population
  • shortage
  • available workers
  • economy
  • retirement planning
  • healthy lifestyles
  • investing
  • social support systems
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