IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7.5

The government should spend money on railways rather than roads. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#government #money #railways #roads
Some adopt the view that authorities should invest more budget in railways than
roads
. I totally disagree with
this
 perception for a couple of reasons.
Firstly
, it is generally believed that most means of transportation,
such
 as taxis, cars, bikes, bicycles, etc., run on the street, so building more
roads
 would benefit individuals. It is a fact that people are more inclined to use their own vehicles
instead
 of public transportation; investing in new
roads
 helps them stay away from commuting hassles. If policymakers ignored upgrading highways, not only fender benders but
also
 fatal accidents would be induced
as a result
.
Therefore
, it is pivotal for the government to take road modernization into consideration.
Secondly
, there is a view among people that the expansion and erection of streets are more possible than rail tracks. Having said that, the traffic jams in the city during the peak hours would cause some disadvantages,
for instance
, a time-consuming and suffocating atmosphere.
Thus
, the appearance of more flyovers is essential to alleviating traffic congestion.
Moreover
, building the train system costs an arm and a leg, which would be a dilemma for developing countries
such
 as Vietnam. The shortage of skilled constructors and designers makes them hire foreign staff who are paid a huge salary.
Although
 using trains would mitigate pollution and accidents to some extent, it costs a fortune. In conclusion, I would side with those who disagree that governments ought to spend money on train
roads
 because of their versatility and possibility, though some benefits are supposed to be brought if railways are modernized.
Submitted by hongmien.n on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

logical structure
Your argument is well-structured, showcasing an introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. To improve, ensure each main idea is consistently developed with adequate supporting details throughout the essay.
introduction conclusion present
You have a clear thesis statement and a summarised conclusion, reflecting your stance effectively. Consider refining these to more directly address the prompt's 'to what extent do you agree or disagree' aspect.
supported main points
While your main points are supported, adding more specific examples and data can strengthen your argument further. Try to incorporate real-world examples or hypothetical scenarios to illustrate your points.
clear comprehensive ideas
You've done well in answering the question, presenting clear and comprehensive ideas. To achieve a higher score, expand your response to include a more nuanced consideration of opposing viewpoints, balancing your analysis.
relevant specific examples
Your examples are relevant but at times, generic. Aim for specificity by grounding your arguments in more detailed examples or cases, which will help in substantiating your claims and enhancing the persuasiveness of your essay.
logical structure
The essay is well-organized, following a logical structure that enhances the reader's understanding.
introduction conclusion present
Effective use of a thesis statement and conclusion to frame your argument.
supported main points
Main points are clearly supported, making your argument persuasive.
Task Response
Clear response to the task with comprehensive coverage of the topic.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • sustainability
  • environmental footprint
  • efficiency
  • pollution
  • cost-effectiveness
  • economic development
  • accessibility
  • public transportation
  • congestion
  • air pollution
  • initial investment
  • maintenance
  • upgrades
  • rural
  • urban
  • last-mile connectivity
What to do next:
Look at other essays: