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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graphs below show where people first got their news, both about the world and about local events, between 1987 and 1997.

The graphs below show where people first got their news, both about the world and about local events, between 1987 and 1997.
#graphs #show #people #first #news #world #events
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The line graph gives information about the number of traditional news in
United
Correct article usage
the United
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 Kingdom between 1987 and 1997.
The
Change preposition
In the
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 first six
years
Use synonyms
 there has been a downfall towards traditional
Use synonyms
newspaper
Fix the agreement mistake
newspapers
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 and the rise of
television
Use synonyms
.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be clearly seen that
teconogloy
Correct your spelling
technology
 advancement would rise over
traditional
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the traditional
a traditional
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source
Fix the agreement mistake
sources
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 of entertainment. First of all, the line graph shows a decrease
through out
Correct your spelling
throughout
show examples
 the 3
years
Use synonyms
 especially in newspapers. Starting with 56% it has fallen to
approximenly
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approximately
 40% which shows a big jump
through out
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throughout
show examples
 the
years
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.
Linking Words
However
Add a comma
However,
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Television
Use synonyms
starting
Wrong verb form
started
show examples
 off
with
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at
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 19% it has a constant development and has reached approximately 27%
by
Change preposition
in
show examples
 3
years
Use synonyms
. Radio has a constant growth
stating
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starting
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 off with 12% and ended with approximately 13% to 15%.
Through out
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Throughout
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 the
years
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 1989 to 1993 there
has
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have
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 been various changes in the usage of local news.
Newspaper
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 has reached an
all time
Add a hyphen
all-time
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 low with 40% usage.
On the other
Linking Words
hand
Add a comma
hand,
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television
Use synonyms
has
Unnecessary verb
apply
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made
a the
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the
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 biggest jump from 1992 to 1993 with
more
Correct article usage
a more
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 than
20
Correct article usage
a 20
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% increase. Radio has
remain
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remained
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 constant
though
Correct your spelling
through
show examples
 out these
years
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. Reaching the final sector of the line graph
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Newspaper
Fix the agreement mistake
Newspapers
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 and
television
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 are on par with 40%
with
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of
show examples
Use synonyms
newspaper
Fix the agreement mistake
newspapers
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 and 37%
with
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of
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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television
Use synonyms
. Radio
remain
Change the verb form
remains
show examples
 unchanged since the start with 11% by the year 1997.
Submitted by sasinipapj on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words years, newspaper, television with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "jump" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "remain" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "rise" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "approximately" was used 2 times.
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