Childood obesity is an increasing problem in Australia as many as two thirds of children are now obese. Schools have a responsilbility to monitor what their students eat and the amount of exercise they do. To what extend do you agree to this statement?
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Deranged
health
statistics are on the rise especially when it comes to the pediatric age groups. The most disturbing one in Australia is the upward trend of childhood obesity, and now, the necessary approach to combating it has become a debate among citizens. While
a lot of individuals suggest that the responsibility of monitoring school
children's diet should be on the school
, however
, I totally disagree with this
take because I believe that parents should be in total control of how a child is raised when it comes to their diets.
To begin
, certain entities might have the opinion that the burden of resolving juvenile obesity should be laid on schools for a few reasons, one is that children spend more time in school
than they do at home during their tender age, and more importantly, many couples are mostly engrossed with their jobs and careers, hence
, paying little to no attention to their kids. So, learning institutions serve as care homes to look after these students while
they are busy. Additionally
, school
cafès hold the responsibility to feed every kid under their care before returning home. This
means that serving them adequate meals based on each child's health
status should be paramount.
Meanwhile, I am completely against this
view. I am of the opinion that parents should look after their sons and daughters more, that is
, they should be more interested in their diets and well-being, and in fact, they could give food recommendations to the school
on behalf of their obese babies based on the Dietician's advice. Therefore
, the government and Ministry
of Correct article usage
the Ministry
Health
should encourage mothers to be more involved in taking care of their daughters rather than leaving them for carers.
In conclusion, school
is just an institution for learning and it should remain at that. Teenage obesity is a serious health
concern that needs total attention by health
practitioners together with
the support of their primary caregivers who are the parents above any other entity.Submitted by callmosomitoyin on
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task achievement
Your essay presents a clear position against the statement, with a strong introduction and conclusion. However, consider including counterarguments and refuting them to strengthen your position further.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next, which can enhance coherence and cohesion. However, overall, your essay flows well.
coherence cohesion
You have a well-structured essay with a clear introduction, body paragraphs that support your main argument, and a strong conclusion.
task achievement
Your arguments are clearly stated and backed up with logical reasoning, demonstrating a deep understanding of the topic.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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