In many countries children are engaged in some kind of paid work. Some people regard this as completely wrong, while others consider it as valuable work experience, important for learning and taking responsibility. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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Nowadays, around the
world
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world,

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there is a significant number of
minors
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ho
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who

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start to work
wery
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very

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early on.
This
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topic became controversial, as some disregard any type of child labour,
while
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others argue that
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the involvment

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involvment
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involvement

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of children in
spesific
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specific

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jobs could be very beneficial
fo
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for

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them. I personally lean towards the second position. The essay will focus on
adressing
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addressing

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the
above mentioned
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above-mentioned

It appears that above mentioned is missing a hyphen. Consider adding the hyphen(s).

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issue. On the one hand, supporters of children’s right to be part of the workforce argue that
,
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apply

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it is beneficial for teenagers to start earning their money even before they turn 18. Employment or
small comers
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smallcomers

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can
provied
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provide

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them with pocket money
while
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also
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, giving them life
expirience
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experience
experiences

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and a sense of valuing their earnings. As an
exapmle
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example

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,
famous
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the famous

The noun phrase famous American tradition seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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American tradition of selling lemonade,
it
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apply

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is an easy job even for
minors
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, which,
also
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, teaches
him
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them

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responsibility and
basics
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the basics

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of business strategy.
Furthermore
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, it
providies
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provides

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a
sourse
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source

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of income, that children can spend on whatever they want.
On the other hand
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, there is
a
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apply

The indefinite article, a, may be redundant when used with the uncountable noun opposition in your sentence. Consider removing it.

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significant opposition to that argument. People with
opposing
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an opposing
the opposing

The noun phrase opposing view seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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view
Fix the agreement mistake
views

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, argue that there are no benefits
in
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to

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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child - labour,
also
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, being harmful
for
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to

The preposition for after the adjective harmful may be incorrect. Consider changing it to another preposition.

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minors
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

. As an argument,
school aged
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school-aged

It seems that school aged is missing a hyphen. Consider adding the hyphen(s).

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boys and girls shall spend more time and effort on education and themselves. It is harmful for
teenager
Fix the agreement mistake
teenagers

It seems that teenager may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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to spend a lot of time on work, as it would generally lower their interest in education and can hurt their social connections, like, sports,
hobbys
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hobbies

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,
friends
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and friends

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. Another good point is that
enabaling
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enabling

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the emploement
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emploement
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employment

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of
minors
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is a way of child exploitation, as
an
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apply

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example,
companys
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companies

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like
,
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apply

It appears that the comma after like is unnecessary. Consider removing it.

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macdonalds
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Macdonalds

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and
starbacks
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Starbucks
star backs

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pay less to their underaged
empoes
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employees

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,
thus
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

exploiting them. In conclusion, I will summarize that I
tent
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tend

The word tent doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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to support
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the empoement
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empoement
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empowerment
employment

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of teenagers in
workforse
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workforce

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. As I
belive
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believe

The word belive doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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there are more pluses
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Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

then
Replace the word
than

The word then may be used incorrectly. Review the following notes to determine the appropriate usage for your context.

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minuses. I see
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the opportyniti
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opportyniti
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opportunity
opportunities

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to earn yourself money as a
presues
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press

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one,
especialy
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especially

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when parents cannot or don’t want to satisfy your demands.
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structure
Focus on polishing your introduction and conclusion to provide a clearer stance and summary of your views. This will help make your essay more comprehensive and impactful.
content
Work on developing more detailed examples and arguments in support of your opinion. While you do provide examples, expanding on them with specific details would strengthen your argument.
grammar
Pay close attention to spelling and grammatical errors as they can detract from the clarity of your message. Consider using tools or resources to help with proofreading.
coherence
Ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea and that all supporting sentences focus on that main idea. This will improve the flow and coherence of your essay.
cohesion
Try to use a wider range of connectors and transition words to link your ideas more smoothly and clearly, enhancing the overall cohesion of your essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Child labor
  • Exploitation
  • Minimum age
  • Work experience
  • Survival
  • Taking responsibility
  • Education
  • Poverty
  • Legal restrictions
  • Physical toll
  • Psychological impact
  • Cultural perceptions
  • International conventions
  • Economic impact
  • Work-study programs
  • Skilled labor
  • Unskilled labor
  • Developing economies
  • Moral implications
  • Professional development
What to do next:
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