Obesity is now a major global epidemic. What can be done to tackle this increasingly common problem?

#obesity #epidemic

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?

Many

people

Use synonyms

believe that

obesity

Use synonyms

has become a large

problem

Use synonyms

nowadays. I

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

totaly

Correct your spelling

totally

agree with

this

Linking Words

judgment and have the same opinion about

this

Linking Words

issue. We more often can see

people

Use synonyms

with weight

Use synonyms

problem

Fix the agreement mistake

problems

show examples

and for many

Correct your spelling

show examples

them it’s not just a

problem

Use synonyms

this

Linking Words

is a threat

Change preposition

show examples

their

lifes

Correct your spelling

lives

show examples

. I believe

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

the global

obesity

Use synonyms

epidemic is caused

Correct your spelling

show examples

several factors,

however

Linking Words

the main ones, in my opinion, are today’s technologies and

Use synonyms

people

Change noun form

people's

show examples

lifestyle

Fix the agreement mistake

lifestyles

show examples

. Humans become very lazy and immobile now,

fewer

Correct word choice

and fewer

show examples

and fewer

people

Use synonyms

sports

Use synonyms

or any other basic practices,

such

Linking Words

as morning exercises or jogging. With the development of technology almost every daily thing

became

Wrong verb form

has become

show examples

easier,

people

Use synonyms

don’t have to do any hard actions to get something. Even going to the store has become easier, as everybody can order food to their homes now. Everyone has a mobile

phons

Correct your spelling

phone

show examples

nowadays, even

7 years old

Correct your spelling

7-year-old

kids who

has

Change the verb form

have

show examples

just entered

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

school. Children are interested in using gadgets (

ipad

Fix the agreement mistake

iPads

show examples

phone

Fix the agreement mistake

phones

show examples

) rather than going outside, and it

becomes

Wrong verb form

has become

show examples

a habit. Many

people

Use synonyms

wonder, how we can solve the

problem

Use synonyms

obesity

Use synonyms

Change the punctuation

show examples

I can offer several solutions to

this

Linking Words

issue.

Firstly

Linking Words

parants

Correct your spelling

parents

have to limit their children

Change preposition

apply

show examples

the amount of time they spend on gadgets.

Secondly

Linking Words

government

Add an article

the government

show examples

needs to promote and popularize the sport,

for

Linking Words

example

Add a comma

example,

show examples

they can do it by investing in

sports

Use synonyms

infrastructure: building

sports

Use synonyms

grounds, fields,

arenas

Correct word choice

and arenas

show examples

; spend money on

sports

Use synonyms

advertising.

Thirdly

Linking Words

we should

Change the verb form

apply

show examples

accustom children to a

sport

Change the noun form

sports

show examples

lifestyle from childhood. Yes,

obesity

Use synonyms

is a large

problem

Use synonyms

Linking Words

however

Add a comma

however,

show examples

it’s solvable and in my mind the main solution is

sport

Add an article

a sport

show examples

Submitted by vgaidar2505 on Sun Mar 03 2024

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion

Work on structuring your essay more logically, with clear paragraphs for introduction, body, and conclusion. Your ideas should flow naturally from one to the next.

coherence cohesion

Ensure your introduction and conclusion are clear and directly address the question. Your introduction should clearly state your position, and your conclusion should summarise your main points.

task achievement

Support your main ideas with specific examples. While you've provided some general solutions, incorporating real-world examples or data could strengthen your argument.

task achievement

Focus on developing a wider range of vocabulary and grammar structures. This will make your essay more engaging and demonstrate your language proficiency.

coherence cohesion

Consider proofreading your essay to correct minor spelling and grammar mistakes, such as 'parants' should be 'parents', 'phons' should be 'phones', and maintaining consistent tense throughout.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

Summary
Restatement of thesis
Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

In conclusion
To conclude
To summarize
Finally
In a nutshell
In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

7
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
29
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

268 words

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 & Task 2 checks
Practice with essays, charts, and letters.
Personalized suggestions & mistake analysis
Spot every mistake and boost your score.
Topic ideas & vocabulary helpers
Expand your ideas and use the right words.
Progress tracking
Watch your writing improve with every practice.

Topic Vocabulary:

epidemic
balanced diet
nutritional labeling
public recreational spaces
community sports programs
food advertising regulations
medical professionals
workplace wellness programs
mental health support
sugary drinks tax
consumer choices
affordable and accessible
health organizations

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

5
band
Some people say that economic development is the only way to end world poverty. However, others argue that economic growth is causing environmental problems and should be stopped. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
In modern society, there is a debate about whether it is the only solution to excape from poverty around the world by developing economy or the growth of economy is destroying the environments and it should be paused. From my perspective, the latter seems more plausible since people will not stay in the Earth anymore but the both of issues would be examined in this essay.
5.5
band
Some people say that the only reason for learning a foreign language is in order to travel to or work in a foreign country. Others say that these are not the only reasons why someone should learn a foreign language. Discuss both views and give your own oppinion.
People hold diverse perspectives about whether the only reason for teaching a foreign tongue is travel or work in another country or there are many other reasons for learning a language .In my opinion ,learning a foreign language has a decisive influence on our self-development, allowing us to gain new ideas and understand the culture of other people.
7
band
You recently took a long vacation. In your absence, a friend did you a huge favor. Write a letter thanking your friend. In your letter: Explain what the favor was Describe how this favor helped you Offer compensation Write at least 150 words. You do NOT need to write any addresses. Begin your letter as follows: Dear ___,
How is it going? I'm writing this letter to thank you for the favor you did for me!
5
band
Write about the following topic. Buying things on the Internet, such as books, air tickets and groceries, is becoming more and more popular. Do the advantages of shopping in this way outweigh the disadvantages?
In this technologies era ,more and more individuals tend to buy things on the internet and this is becoming famous trends .I think this shopping online paces have more advantages than the disadvantages in spite of two factors such as time efficient and wider selection.In the next paragraph ,I will dicuss the reason for this in detail.
8
band
In many parts of the world people do research in family history. Some people believe research on previous generation to be useful while others say that it is better to focus on present and future generation.discuss both views and show your opinion.
t is controversial that research on the past record of the family is more helpful than information about current and future generations. I partially support the latter view, for more trustworthy data obtained to improve individual lives regardless of the fact that past history can reveal a certain pattern of illness, helping people to cope with it in advance.

Obesity is now a major global epidemic. What can be done to tackle this increasingly common problem?

Include an introduction and conclusion

Some people say that economic development is the only way to end world poverty. However, others argue that economic growth is causing environmental problems and should be stopped. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Some people say that the only reason for learning a foreign language is in order to travel to or work in a foreign country. Others say that these are not the only reasons why someone should learn a foreign language. Discuss both views and give your own oppinion.

Write about the following topic. Buying things on the Internet, such as books, air tickets and groceries, is becoming more and more popular. Do the advantages of shopping in this way outweigh the disadvantages?

In many parts of the world people do research in family history. Some people believe research on previous generation to be useful while others say that it is better to focus on present and future generation.discuss both views and show your opinion.