IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

Write about the following topic: Many major cities are facing a housing crisis as they cannot provide enough land for new buildings. Some local governments believe the problem could be solved by reassigning park land for residential development, because this land would be better used for housing. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#topic #cities #crisis #land #buildings #governments #park #development
Nowadays, there is a significant problem in a lot of big
cities
.
This
 problem concerns the lack of land for building construction.
However
, a solution that has been proposed by governments is the use of parkland for housing development. In my opinion,
this
 initiative is excellent and there are lots of reasons for it to happen and, indeed, it is necessary to occur soon.
Firstly
, one of the most important reasons for using parkland to build buildings is the fact that more and more
people
 go to live in big
cities
 because there are more choices and, of course, better salaries than in small
cities
.
Thus
, those
people
 should rent an apartment to live in. If there aren't a lot of blocks of flats to cover the needs of those
people
, they will be forced to seek a job position abroad. Unfortunately,
this
 will result in our country losing lots of scientists and, in general, humans who want to work.
In addition
, some
people
 believe that
this
 government's idea will decrease the parking positions and residents will not know where to
park
 their cars.
This
 belief will not be real because it is predicted to make a lot of
park
 positions for every block of flats which will be built.
Thus
, everyone, who wants to
park
 in that area, will have the opportunity to own a private parking position which they have only for them.
Additionally
, they will not need to search around the area to
park
 as they may have in the past. In conclusion, I strongly believe that
this
 initiative not only will help
people
 from other
cities
 to find an apartment to live in more easily but, of course,
people
 who live in those neighbourhoods, will have a parking position next to their houses as they had.
Finally
, governments should make
this
 initiative soon.
Submitted by sssssraf on

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task achievement
Your essay responds to the task and covers the main points, yet it would benefit from more specific examples to strengthen your argument. Including examples such as a city where parkland has successfully been converted would enhance your response.
coherence
To improve coherence, focus on creating clearer transitions between your paragraphs. Ensure each paragraph flows logically to the next. For instance, the transition between discussing housing needs and parking concerns could be made more seamless.
coherence
Although your main points are clear, they could be further supported with more detailed explanations or evidence. Expand on your points to improve the depth of your argument.
coherence
Your introduction and conclusion are clear and provide a good framework for your essay, setting out your stance and summarizing your points effectively.
task achievement
The essay addresses the key issue of the housing crisis and proposes a relevant solution, showing a solid grasp of the topic.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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