IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Rich countries are getting richer while poor countries are getting poorer. What is the cause of this? What could be done to solve this problem?

#countries
To commence with wealthy unions are becoming richer
instead
 the undeveloped regions are becoming poorer. There can be various types of consequences in the land which I will discuss in the upcoming paragraphs.
However
, trade policies often favour the wealthier public, allowing them to protect their industries
while
 gaining access to markets in poorer states.
Therefore
, poor societies often carry significant debt repayment rather than increase.
Moreover
, poorer communities often lack of infrastructure and education systems needed for economic growth.
Also
, these factors can deter investment and hinder economic progress
due to
 political instability and corruption.
For instance
, the government grants funding for the expansion of infrastructure in a village but
this
 funding is not provided by the lower authorities.
Nevertheless
, implementing trade policies that are fair and beneficial to all parties involved can help to balance wealth distribution.
Moreover
, international financial institutions and wealthy democracies could offer debt relief or more favourable loan terms to the poorer public. Investment in these areas can foster economic growth and advancement in education.
As a result
, if the poor region gains debt from the wealthy people they can generate many job opportunities for youngsters so that they can earn more money and invest in their own country for financial stability. In conclusion, addressing the wealth disparity between the public is a complex issue that requires a multi-faceted approach. I would argue that it involves not only changes in economic policies but
efforts
Rephrase
also efforts
show examples
 to promote good governance and invest in human capital.
Submitted by psingh8059 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
To improve your score in task response, try to provide a clear thesis statement in your introduction that directly addresses the question. Also, ensure your conclusion summarizes your main points related to the causes and solutions for wealth disparity effectively.
task response
Develop your main points with more specific examples and data where possible. This will strengthen your argument and provide a more thorough analysis of the causes and potential solutions for the issue discussed.
coherence and cohesion
For better coherence and cohesion, work on linking your ideas more clearly. Using a range of cohesive devices (e.g., furthermore, however, for instance) effectively can help. Also, organize your paragraphs in a logical manner, ensuring each paragraph has a clear main idea and supporting details.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: