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Band 6.5

In some countries, more and more adults are continuing to live with their parents even after they have completed their education and found jobs. Do the advantages of this outweigh its disadvantages?

#countries #adults #parents #education #jobs #outweigh
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By the time of settling down, many
adults
 opt to continue living with their
parents
 rather than independently. Drawing on prior experiences, despite the potential benefits of parental guidance,
this
 writer contends that the drawbacks, particularly financial burdens and excessive reliance on family, outweigh the advantages. When it comes to residing with family, the financial strain is the most significant drawback. Typically,
while
 living with
parents
, individuals should assume the role of the breadwinner, securing a stable job and earning sufficient income to cover living expenses, including water and electricity bills.
Additionally
, after graduating from
universities
Fix the agreement mistake
university
show examples
,
parents
 age, rendering them unable to live independently.
Consequently
,
this
 results in a substantial financial burden on
adults
, causing
further
 stress.
Moreover
, being overly dependent on
parents
 is another detrimental aspect that merits consideration.
Parents
, concerned about their children's careers, may provide everything without conditions. Over time,
this
 fosters unhealthy habits, as individuals become accustomed to seeking parental assistance.
Consequently
, these
adults
 may lack essential knowledge crucial for their future careers. Critics argue that parental guidance is a beneficial factor for
adults
 living with their families.
This
 belief stems from the notion that
parents
, having experienced life's challenges, can provide valuable insights.
While
 living with
parents
 may ensure future development to some extent, young
adults
 are better off making independent decisions about their careers, avoiding reliance on parental opinions. In the USA, where individuals, both
adults
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and teenagers are empowered to make their own decisions, there is a notably high rate of successful business ventures. Considering all aspects, the benefits of suitable guidance are clearly outweighed by economic strain and overdependence on families.
Therefore
, young
adults
 should exercise caution before choosing to live with their
parents
 after completing educational programs or finding a job.
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Task Achievement
Ensure that each body paragraph fully supports its main idea with relevant, detailed examples. Expanding and developing your examples further could strengthen your argument and ensure that the ideas are not only clear and comprehensive, but also specific and pertinent to the question.
Coherence & Cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present, which is positive. Make sure, however, that these paragraphs clearly establish and summarize your main argument respectively. To enhance your score, the conclusion could more decisively reinforce the stance taken in the essay instead of only summarizing presented points.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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