In some countries, more and more adults are continuing to live with their parents even after they have completed their education and found jobs. Do the advantages of this outweigh its disadvantages?

#countries #adults #parents #education #jobs #outweigh

By the time of settling down, many

adults

opt to continue living with their

parents

rather than independently. Drawing on prior experiences, despite the potential benefits of parental guidance,

this

writer contends that the drawbacks, particularly financial burdens and excessive reliance on family, outweigh the advantages. When it comes to residing with family, the financial strain is the most significant drawback. Typically,

while

living with

parents

, individuals should assume the role of the breadwinner, securing a stable job and earning sufficient income to cover living expenses, including water and electricity bills.

Additionally

, after graduating from

universities

Fix the agreement mistake

university

show examples

parents

age, rendering them unable to live independently.

Consequently

this

results in a substantial financial burden on

adults

, causing

further

stress.

Moreover

, being overly dependent on

parents

is another detrimental aspect that merits consideration.

Parents

, concerned about their children's careers, may provide everything without conditions. Over time,

this

fosters unhealthy habits, as individuals become accustomed to seeking parental assistance.

Consequently

, these

adults

may lack essential knowledge crucial for their future careers. Critics argue that parental guidance is a beneficial factor for

adults

living with their families.

This

belief stems from the notion that

parents

, having experienced life's challenges, can provide valuable insights.

While

living with

parents

may ensure future development to some extent, young

adults

are better off making independent decisions about their careers, avoiding reliance on parental opinions. In the USA, where individuals, both

adults

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

and teenagers are empowered to make their own decisions, there is a notably high rate of successful business ventures. Considering all aspects, the benefits of suitable guidance are clearly outweighed by economic strain and overdependence on families.

Therefore

, young

adults

should exercise caution before choosing to live with their

parents

after completing educational programs or finding a job.

Submitted by Nghỉ hè vui vẻ cả nhà on Mon Jan 15 2024

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Task Achievement

Ensure that each body paragraph fully supports its main idea with relevant, detailed examples. Expanding and developing your examples further could strengthen your argument and ensure that the ideas are not only clear and comprehensive, but also specific and pertinent to the question.

Coherence & Cohesion

The introduction and conclusion are present, which is positive. Make sure, however, that these paragraphs clearly establish and summarize your main argument respectively. To enhance your score, the conclusion could more decisively reinforce the stance taken in the essay instead of only summarizing presented points.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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7Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Grammar mistakes
 

5 paragraphs

290 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 7.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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In some countries, more and more adults are continuing to live with their parents even after they have completed their education and found jobs. Do the advantages of this outweigh its disadvantages?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Some people believe that everyone has a right to have access to university education and that goverments should make it free for all students no matter what financial background they have. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Many people say that the only way to guarantee a good job is to complete a course in university education. Others claim that it is better to start work after school and gain experience in the world of work. How far do you agree or disagree with the above views?

In some cities public parks and open space are being changed into gardens where local residents can grow their own fruits and vegetables. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

These days it is much easier for many people to travel to different countries for tourism than in the past. Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?