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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that thia would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #health #sports #facilities #thia #effect #measures
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It is sometimes discussed what is the optimal plan that could be put into practice so as to have healthier citizens. It has been proposed that more
sports
Use synonyms
 facilities should be built, whilst others said that
such
Linking Words
 a measure would not be an effective one and that other alternatives are much better.
This
Linking Words
 essay will argue that the first proposal is a superior choice because having access to more structures and alternatives encourages
people
Use synonyms
 to train, which is the best thing to do in order to stay healthy. Having a wide range of
sports
Use synonyms
 to choose from is a great incentive for everyone to practice one or several of them.
Moreover
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, if we help
people
Use synonyms
 to start and continue one, they would be more likely to build a good habit of exercising regularly.
For example
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, in places where there are many gyms with affordable prices, we can see that the number of
people
Use synonyms
 lifting is higher than in others. It is common knowledge that training is beneficial for the human body, so it would be a relevant change to increase the amount of citizens regularly doing so. Indeed, many pathologies are closely related to being overweight, so if, on average, everyone is fitter by doing sport, the level of public health will certainly improve.
For instance
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, in countries where the sedentary lifestyle is very popular,
such
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 as the United States, the data about how common vascular issues are is considered alarming. Some
people
Use synonyms
 suggested that, in order to contrast the worsening of public health, we should increase the number of
sports
Use synonyms
 facilities.
On the contrary
Linking Words
, others think that it is not a good investment and that there are more convenient alternatives.
This
Linking Words
 essay has explained that having easier access to various
sports
Use synonyms
 is the optimal solution and having a higher number of citizens exercising would largely contribute to improving the average health status of a community.
Submitted by giordansamuele on

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task achievement
Develop your arguments further with more diverse examples. While your essay mentions the benefits of sports facilities using a general example and hypothetical scenarios, adding real-life case studies or statistics could strengthen your position and make your argument more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Improve paragraph transitions to enhance the flow of your essay. While the essay has a clear structure, enhancing the linkage between paragraphs with smoother transitions and signposts would improve readability and the overall cohesion.
task achievement
Expand on the counterargument more thoroughly. Your discussion on the opposing view is relatively brief. Providing a more detailed examination of the alternative measures proposed by others and why they might be less effective could enrich your analysis and demonstrate a deeper understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
Consider using more varied sentence structures to improve readability and engagement. While the essay is coherent, employing a wider range of complex sentences and linguistic devices can make it more compelling and demonstrate a higher level of English proficiency.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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