Some people think it would be a good idea for schools to teach every young person how to be a good parent. Do you agree or disagree with this opinion? Describe the skills a person needs to be a good father.

While
some
adults
demand the need for
schools
to provide essential education regarding how to be a desirable parent to all students, I generally agree with
this
to increase their awareness of the importance of protecting
children
.
This
essay discusses various skills they need to learn at school. On the one hand, it seems necessary that
schools
should provide every student with learning opportunities to be a respected parent . Indeed, many young
adults
who lack moral behaviour have become parents without proper educational opportunities for parenthood.
Thus
, they are less considerate of their immoral behaviour, which ends up having a negative effect on
children
. The detrimental impact of tobacco on their well-being,
for example
, is often neglected by
adults
today. In fact, they are often not aware that it raises risks of cancer and heart attack with constant exposure to nicotine and other harmful substances.
Consequently
, school lessons should focus on learning the direct effect of
such
unhealthy habits on
children
.
Furthermore
,
schools
should stress the importance of cooking skills to encourage parents to provide more nutritious food in daily life because the techniques and knowledge they learn should be made sustainable so they are able to protect
children
's lives on their own.
On the other hand
, regardless of the imminent need for child education,
schools
should focus on more academic subjects to meet with diverse demands of people today.
For instance
, there is a decline in interest in having kids among the young generation, which leads to a lower birth rate than ever before in Japan as it shrinks dramatically from 3 to 1 during the past decade.
In other words
, many people tend to regard rearing small
children
as troublesome and stressful and marriage and giving birth to babies are no longer ideal paths for young people to take today.
Instead
, they are more concerned about their own careers.
This
raises the significance of acquiring sophisticated knowledge and different techniques to achieve their own dream.
Therefore
, useful intelligence including language, calculation and technology should be concentrated to develop their academic performance. In conclusion,
although
many young
adults
are more reluctant to have
children
in future, school education plays a fundamental role in encouraging moral behaviour as parents.
Consequently
, they are more likely to refrain from unfavourable customs and acquire helpful talents to prioritize the health of
children
.
Submitted by mizuho on

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Task Achievement
Be sure to address the prompt directly and provide a clear stance on the issue in your introduction. While your essay hints at agreement, solidifying your position early will enhance clarity and directness.
Coherence & Cohesion
Develop each paragraph with a single main idea, supported by examples or evidence. While your essay does have support, ensure that each paragraph's focus is razor-sharp to avoid any potential confusion.
Coherence & Cohesion
Use linking words and phrases to enhance the flow of your essay. Your essay demonstrates a good use of these, but further refinement can improve readability and the overall coherence.
Task Achievement
Expand on your arguments with more specific examples and evidence. While general discussion is present, deeper, more detailed examples will strengthen your argument and task response.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

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