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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Nowadays, children watch a lot of TV and play video games. However, some think that these activities are not beneficial for a child’s mental health.

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In today's digital age,
children
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 are exposed to a significant amount of screen
time
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, spending hours watching
TV
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 and playing
video
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 games. Some people say that it has harmful psychological impacts on young minds.
This
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 essay agrees
on
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with
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 the notion that these activities can be detrimental to a
child
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's mental well-being. One of the major concerns associated with excessive
TV
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 watching and
video
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 game playing is the sedentary lifestyle it promotes.
Children
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 who spend prolonged periods sitting in front of screens are at risk of developing psychological problems
as a result
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. A sedentary and indoor lifestyle increases the risk of mental health disorders
such
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 as depression and anxiety.
For example
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, a study conducted by the World Health Organization found a correlation between excessive screen
time
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 and an increased prevalence of depression and anxiety. Another significant drawback of excessive
TV
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 watching and
video
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 game playing is the potential for social isolation and impaired social
skills
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.
Children
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 who spend excessive
time
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 engaged in these activities may miss out on real-world interactions and face difficulties developing meaningful relationships. Face-to-face communication and social engagement are vital for a
child
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's social and emotional development. Without these experiences,
children
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 may struggle to develop essential social
skills
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,
such
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 as empathy, communication, and conflict resolution.
For instance
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, research conducted by the American Academy of Pediatrics suggests that excessive screen
time
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 during early childhood can lead to delayed social
skills
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 and difficulties in forming interpersonal relationships. In conclusion, excessive
TV
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 watching and
video
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 game playing can have negative effects on a
child
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's mental health. The sedentary nature of these activities hampers a
child
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's emotional development and hinders their social
skills
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while
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also
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 increasing their mental problems.

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sentence structure
Make sure to include varied sentence structures throughout your essay to showcase your language proficiency. While your essay is well-written, incorporating more complex and compound sentences could enhance it further.
argument development
Consider including counter-arguments or other perspectives to provide a more balanced argument. Acknowledging opposing viewpoints and then refuting or agreeing with them can add depth to your essay.
accuracy
Be cautious of generalizations. When making claims, especially about scientific studies or psychological effects, providing specific references or acknowledging the potential for variation can strengthen your argument.
structure
Your essay is logically structured, with a clear introduction, development of ideas, and a conclusion.
examples
You effectively used relevant examples to support your main points, enhancing the persuasiveness of your argument.
task response
Your response directly addresses the prompt, showing a complete understanding and engagement with the task.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • cognitive development
  • exposure to violence
  • addiction
  • reduced physical activity
  • hand-eye coordination
  • strategic thinking
  • multitasking skills
  • moderation
  • parental guidance
  • balanced approach
  • screen time
  • social interaction
  • sense of community
  • social skills
  • social isolation
  • alternative activities
  • outdoor activities
  • family interaction
  • mental health issues
  • educational programs
  • problem-solving games
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