IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people think that museums and art galleries should concentrate on the works of their own countries instead of the works of art from other parts of the world. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #museums #art #galleries #works #countries #parts #world
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There is an opinion that
museums
 and art exhibitions should show pieces
of
Change preposition
by
show examples
 native
artists
 rather than
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
foreigners. I disagree with
this
 point of view and plan to explore the reasons in
this
 essay.
Firstly
, including foreign
artists
' works in local showrooms has benefits, the chief among those is a cognitive role for young craftsmen and
artists
 who have the intention to expand their horizons of viewing and comprehending art.
In addition
, there is no need to go abroad to watch well-known master's masterpieces, and,
subsequently
, to waste time and money on
such
 kinds of trips, which is especially important for students.
For example
, in my country, the national gallery includes a huge number of masterpieces from all over the world, and on certain days admission is free for all those who
wants
Correct subject-verb agreement
want
show examples
 to enjoy communication with high art.
Secondly
, the exponents of the
museums
 from other countries make the public familiar with the culture of these places.
This
 is essential for
clear
Correct article usage
a clear
show examples
 study of
history
.
For example
, numerous schools have a tradition of taking groups of pupils to
such
 places to teach them
on site
Add a hyphen
on-site
show examples
, showing evidence of how people used to live, hunt, and create.
This
, of course, does not replace the need to display
artifacts
Change the spelling
artefacts
show examples
 of local
history
. If
museums
 only display local
artifacts
Change the spelling
artefacts
show examples
, the public will not be aware of the culture and
history
 of other countries. In conclusion,
while
 having the work of domestic
artists
 in galleries and
museums
 is critical, it is equally important to include masterpieces by foreign masters to give the public the opportunity to learn about their
history
 and culture.
Submitted by ruben.kirakosyan on

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Task Achievement
Ensure you fully address all parts of the task by providing a stronger argument against the opposing viewpoint. Explaining why local art alone might not suffice could enhance your essay.
Task Achievement
Strive to develop your ideas more fully with deeper analysis. While your examples are relevant, elaborating more on why these examples are significant could strengthen your argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
Use a wider range of linking words and phrases to connect ideas more effectively. While your essay has a good logical flow, varying your connective devices could improve readability and cohesion.
Coherence and Cohesion
Consider revisiting your paragraph structure for even better coherence. Each paragraph should start with a clear topic sentence that indicates what the paragraph will be about, followed by supporting sentences that provide evidence or examples.
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