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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The bar chart below shows the number of research students studying different subject in 2005.

The bar chart below shows the number of research students studying different subject in 2005.
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The given bar graph illustrates different subjects (Linguistics, psychology, natural science, engineering, programming, and mathematics) studied by
research
Use synonyms
 students of different
gender
Fix the agreement mistake
genders
show examples
 during the year 2005.
Overall
Linking Words
, mostly all the fields of
research
Use synonyms
 were dominated by men.
However
Linking Words
, Natural sciences was the most popular
research
Use synonyms
 study for both
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
genders. Mathematics was the least popular field of study among
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
while
Linking Words
 linguistics was
for
Change preposition
among
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
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. In terms of linguistics, more than 100 women were enrolled
while
Linking Words
 the number of men was well under 100.
In contrast
Linking Words
, natural sciences was the only field of study where male and female students were equal i.e. 200.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, psychology was
also
Linking Words
 another
research
Use synonyms
 where 200 males and approximately 175 females were interested. Engineering and programming had
same
Change the article
a same
the same
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 number of males i.e. 150
while
Linking Words
 the number of females
were
Change the verb form
was
show examples
 around 80 and 65 respectively. Mathematics had considerably
less
Correct quantifier usage
fewer
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 than 50 women
whereas
Linking Words
 the proportion of men
were
Change the verb form
was
show examples
sky rocketing
Correct your spelling
skyrocketing
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.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words research with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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