IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

today the high sales of popular consumer goods reflect the power of advertising and not the real needs of the society in which they are sold. To what extend do you agree or disagree. Give reasons for your answer and include any revelant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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In recent days,
people
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 are buying more and more
products
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 because of the growth in advertising rather than out of necessity. I agree with it.
However
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, I
also
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 believe that the facilitation of
delivery
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 methods has
also
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 played a big part in
this
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 role.
First,
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advertising has become extremely powerful since the big boom of the internet;
consequently
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,
people
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 are getting more exposed to
products
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 every day.
For example
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, many
companies
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 pay a huge amount of money to social platforms to showcase their
products
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 online
while
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people
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 go through the internet.
Therefore
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, the more
people
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 see, the more tempted they will be to buy those
products
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, especially in
this
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 consumer society era.
Additionally
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, platforms
such
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 as Facebook and TikTok have created places dedicated to buying and selling
products
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, making it easier for consumption.
Also
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,
companies
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 are hiring
people
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 with a large online following to promote their
products
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 because they can reach a larger number of
people
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.
Second,
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the
delivery
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 of goods plays a crucial role in
this
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 increase in sales.
That is
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 because, with online orders in demand,
companies
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needed
Wrong verb form
need
show examples
 to adapt and become more flexible with their customers.
Companies
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 are offering free
delivery
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 and return of goods bought online.
Therefore
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,
people
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 feel compelled to buy as much as they want, and they may or may not return it.
This
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 easy access to
products
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 increases the temptation to buy more.
Moreover
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, the return can be taken from the buyer's house. In conclusion, recently, the number of consumer goods being sold has increased dramatically, showing the power behind advertising and not much of what
people
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 need. I believe that advertising influences
people
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 to make purchases.
Also
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, the method of
delivery
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.

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Task Achievement
To further improve your score, try to delve deeper into how advertising manipulates consumer perception and leads to unnecessary purchases. Providing more concrete examples or citing specific studies could strengthen your arguments.
Coherence & Cohesion
While your essay shows good cohesion and coherence, aiming for variety in sentence structures and ensuring each paragraph seamlessly connects to the next could enhance readability and flow. Consider using transitional phrases and varying your sentence beginnings to achieve this.
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