IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Many people think that museums and art galleries should only show work from local artists rather than work from other countries. To what extent do you agree with this opinion? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#people #museums #art #galleries #show #work #artists #countries
There has been an ongoing debate as to whether or not museums and
art
 galleries should showcase pieces of work from local
artists
 as opposed to foreign ones. I believe that it is rather essential to feature
works
 from within the
country
 exclusively, as
this
 has positive impacts as I shall discuss in
this
 essay.
To begin
 with, focusing on local artistic
works
 will
enourage
Correct your spelling
encourage
 many touristic activities, which will in turn boost the
eonomy
Correct your spelling
economy
 of the
country
.
For instance
, showcasing
works
 from local
artists
 will mean that
people
 from different countries will want to visit
such
 places in order to learn and be entertained by their unique
works
 of
art
.
Thus
, the
country
 will get more revenue from the tourists.
Secondly
, sticking to only the local
artists
 will help maintain the value of that particular
country
 by promoting its uniqueness as demonstrated by their
artists
.
This
 is not only important for the
country
, but
also
 essential in protecting and
nuturing
Correct your spelling
nurturing
 local talents.
For instance
,
people
 from local communities will show up to support their
artists
 and
this
 will
also
 educate and entertain them. A very good example of
this
 scenario is a local museum in Kenya which is open
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the public every once a year for free.
People
 turn up in huge numbers and
this
 in turn
servers
Replace the word
serves
show examples
 as a good way of promoting knowledge and awareness among the locals.
Additionally
, including artistic
works
 from other countries will discourage local
people
 from travelling to other countries in order to explore new experiences, since they might as well learn all that from their local museum. It
also
 means that local content is at risk of being devalued.
To sum up
, the advantages of showcasing local pieces of
art
outweighs
Correct subject-verb agreement
outweigh
show examples
 the disadvantages and,
therefore
,
people
 should advocate for museums and
art
 galleries to show only local content as it will enrich both the
artists
 and the
country
 at large.
Submitted by vkisiero on

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task achievement
Introduction is well-formed, but establish a clearer thesis statement outlining your main argument.
task achievement
Ensure to address both sides of the argument briefly, even if you choose to strongly argue for one side, to fulfill the task requirement comprehensively.
coherence cohesion
Logical structure is evident. Maintain natural flow by varying your linking phrases between paragraphs for smoother transitions.
task achievement
Support your main points with more detailed examples or evidence. Specific, real-world examples strengthen your argument and clarity.
coherence cohesion
Conclusion effectively summarizes your stance but could be enhanced by more directly restating how your supporting points affirm your thesis.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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