IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Many people think that museums and art galleries should only show work from local artists rather than work from other countries. To what extent do you agree with this opinion? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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There has been an ongoing debate as to whether or not museums and
art
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 galleries should showcase pieces of work from local
artists
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 as opposed to foreign ones. I believe that it is rather essential to feature
works
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 from within the
country
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 exclusively, as
this
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 has positive impacts as I shall discuss in
this
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 essay.
To begin
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 with, focusing on local artistic
works
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 will
enourage
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encourage
 many touristic activities, which will in turn boost the
eonomy
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economy
 of the
country
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.
For instance
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, showcasing
works
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 from local
artists
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 will mean that
people
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 from different countries will want to visit
such
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 places in order to learn and be entertained by their unique
works
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 of
art
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.
Thus
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, the
country
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 will get more revenue from the tourists.
Secondly
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, sticking to only the local
artists
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 will help maintain the value of that particular
country
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 by promoting its uniqueness as demonstrated by their
artists
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.
This
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 is not only important for the
country
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, but
also
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 essential in protecting and
nuturing
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nurturing
 local talents.
For instance
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,
people
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 from local communities will show up to support their
artists
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 and
this
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 will
also
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 educate and entertain them. A very good example of
this
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 scenario is a local museum in Kenya which is open
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the public every once a year for free.
People
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 turn up in huge numbers and
this
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 in turn
servers
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serves
show examples
 as a good way of promoting knowledge and awareness among the locals.
Additionally
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, including artistic
works
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 from other countries will discourage local
people
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 from travelling to other countries in order to explore new experiences, since they might as well learn all that from their local museum. It
also
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 means that local content is at risk of being devalued.
To sum up
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, the advantages of showcasing local pieces of
art
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outweighs
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outweigh
show examples
 the disadvantages and,
therefore
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,
people
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 should advocate for museums and
art
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 galleries to show only local content as it will enrich both the
artists
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 and the
country
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 at large.

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task achievement
Introduction is well-formed, but establish a clearer thesis statement outlining your main argument.
task achievement
Ensure to address both sides of the argument briefly, even if you choose to strongly argue for one side, to fulfill the task requirement comprehensively.
coherence cohesion
Logical structure is evident. Maintain natural flow by varying your linking phrases between paragraphs for smoother transitions.
task achievement
Support your main points with more detailed examples or evidence. Specific, real-world examples strengthen your argument and clarity.
coherence cohesion
Conclusion effectively summarizes your stance but could be enhanced by more directly restating how your supporting points affirm your thesis.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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