IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people believe that there should be fixed punishments for each type of crime. Others. However, argue that circumstances of an individual crime and the motivation for committing it, should always be taken into account. Discuss both side and give your opinion.

#people #punishments #type #crime #circumstances #motivation #account #side
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
There appears to be a lack of consensus on the type of punishment for criminals committing the same offence.
While
 some people argue that all offenders should be imposed the same punishments without caring about their motivations and situations, others, myself included, believe they should be considered in punishing them. In the following essay, I will explain both views in more detail. It could be argued that imposing fixed punishments for the same illegal action may encourage criminals to continue to break the law. The consideration of other factors like their motivation and situation can be an excuse for suspects to escape their punishments.
As a consequence
, the rate of committed crimes would be on the rise.
Also
, the judges may judge unfairly based on their impressions of their defences.
However
, I agree with those who believe it’s unfair to make guilty individuals suffer with the same extent of punishment. They say that all the crimes are not the same and the reason behind each case can be very different.
For example
, a murderer with homicidal tendencies and a killer who kills the victim accidentally are completely different.
Also
, other factors like their background, financial situation, family problems, and so on are the causes of turning to crime.
For instance
, in some undeveloped countries,
due to
 the troubled economic situation, some low-income people who cannot afford their basic needs shoplift or pickpocket to accommodate their needs.
To conclude
,
although
 in some circumstances, it’s likely that judges cannot convict offenders fairly based on how they understand their defences, the backgrounds that drive someone to act against regulations should be considered to have better fairness.
Submitted by attarzadehosseiniaida on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

logical structure
Ensure that your essay structure is clear and logical. Begin with an introduction that clearly presents the topic and your thesis. Follow this with body paragraphs that each focus on a distinct argument, supported by examples or evidence. Finally, conclude by summarizing your points and restating your opinion.
introduction conclusion present
Make sure your essay includes a clear introduction and conclusion. The introduction should introduce the topic and outline your viewpoint or the structure of your essay. The conclusion should summarize the key points made and reiterate your overall stance or findings.
supported main points
Support your main points with specific examples or evidence. These examples can be hypothetical, drawn from your knowledge or experience, or even based on facts or statistics. This will make your argument more convincing and your writing more engaging.
complete response
Address all parts of the task. Make sure you discuss both views mentioned in the prompt and provide your own opinion as required. It's essential that you cover all aspects to fully satisfy the task requirement.
clear comprehensive ideas
Develop your ideas thoroughly. Each paragraph should focus on a single main idea or argument. Use the PEEL structure (Point, Explain, Example, Link) to ensure your paragraphs are well-developed and coherent.
relevant specific examples
Use specific examples to support your arguments. These examples should be relevant and clearly linked to the points you are making. They can be drawn from your experience, observations, or general knowledge.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: