An increasing number of professionals, such as doctors and teachers, are leaving their own poorer countries to work in developed countries. What problems does this cause? What can be done to deal with this situation?
Nations with excellent life
conditions
receive more and more highly-educated migrants from countries
with low economic conditions
, and this
movement not only causes
low welfare in origin locations,
but Remove the comma
apply
also
makes targeted places overpopulated. In order to solve this
issue certain improvements need to be made in both type
of Change to a plural noun
types
countries
.
People with certain profession
think that they deserve to live in better Fix the agreement mistake
professions
conditions
, and therefore
change their locations to meet these standards by leaving their home country. This
causes
lower
level of qualified employees in their home country because the number of well-educated part of the citizens falls. Add an article
a lower
Furthermore
, this
trend creates the result of poor nations losing their educated members,
and leads the situation that rich Remove the comma
apply
countries
become more and more full with
qualified people, Change preposition
of
therefore
this
causes
reverse effects to migrates' expectations: unemployement
and poor life Correct your spelling
unemployment
conditions
. Take, İstanbul for example
, the number of unemployed professionals is higher than the number of working class'.
Improving welfare and implementing job occupations which satisfy their subjects are the solutions of
Change preposition
to
this
problem, which they
only can be done by force of the governments. For undeveloped Correct pronoun usage
apply
countries
, the governments of
Change preposition
apply
them
should increase the work Correct pronoun usage
apply
conditions
and create new branches, and likewise
, so as to solve high workforce demands, places with high standards should also
implement the same. In Berlin, for example
, due to
its rise of
receiving migrants, the German government has now opened 3 new hospitals and over 200 new schools to meet the workforce demand.
Change preposition
in
To conclude
, rising
movement of individuals with high career subjects Correct article usage
the rising
causes
lower develoption
Correct your spelling
developing
rate
in Fix the agreement mistake
rates
origin
Correct article usage
the origin
countries
and unemployement
in targeted Correct your spelling
unemployment
countries
and an effective solution is
to solve Unnecessary verb
apply
this
is ensuring occupations in both the poor and the rich countries
.Submitted by :DDDDD on
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Introduction & Conclusion
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Logical Structure
Your essay's structure is logical but can be improved for better flow and clarity. Try to use more transitional phrases like 'Furthermore,' 'In addition,' or 'Consequently,' to connect your ideas more smoothly.
Supported Main Points
While you've provided examples, such as the situation in İstanbul and Berlin, make sure your examples are directly related to the problems and solutions discussed. Additionally, include more diverse and specific examples to illustrate your points better.
Complete Response
You've addressed the task by discussing the problems and solutions related to the migration of professionals. To enhance your essay, try to delve deeper into the reasons behind the migration and its implications. This will provide a more comprehensive response.
Clear & Comprehensive Ideas
Your ideas are generally clear, but they can be presented more comprehensively. Try to elaborate on your arguments by explaining how and why certain solutions would be effective. This will make your essay more convincing.
Relevant & Specific Examples
Your examples are relevant but could be more detailed. When providing examples, explain how they directly relate to the topic at hand. Incorporating more specific details will make your argument stronger and more persuasive.
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