Some people argue the government should support the funds for arts, while others argue that the money should be used for public health and education. Discuss both those views and give your opinion.
According to
some, money
should be allocated to support
artists
by government
, Correct article usage
the government
others
say that the Correct word choice
while others
money
ought to be spent for
Change preposition
on
health
and educational aspects. In my view, although
investing on
Change preposition
in
art
can promote culture, I believe that it should be utilized to support
educations
and increase people’s Fix the agreement mistake
education
health
because educated
society might Correct article usage
an educated
support
artists
.
On the one hand, art
need
to be supported financially by states. There are many Change the verb form
needs
artists
who are preconsciously talented in this
field; however
, they cannot illustrate their arts
Fix the agreement mistake
art
due to
lack of support
. To explain more, creating a pieces
of memorable Correct the article-noun agreement
a piece
pieces
art
need
Correct subject-verb agreement
needs
money
and arsis
usually cannot afford to Correct your spelling
artists
providing
materials related to it. Apparently, Change the verb form
provide
artist
looking for a sponsorship to tackle the issue. Add an article
the artist
an artist
For instance
, there are many people who said that, if we had a sponsor, we would have created unbelievable art
. Hence
, money
not only play
an important role, but Correct subject-verb agreement
plays
also
it can assist artists
to focus on their job to reach at
the peak of his/her career.
Remove the preposition
apply
On the other hand
, investment on
Change preposition
in
health
and education
should be the main priority. In developing and developed nations, due to
improving industry, numerous serious illnesses are appearing which need to adopt a
great Correct article usage
apply
measure
to surmount the problem. In Fix the agreement mistake
measures
this
case
Add a comma
case,
money
need
to be given by Correct subject-verb agreement
needs
government
to conduct Add an article
the government
influx
number of Correct article usage
an influx
experiment
to solve the issue, Fix the agreement mistake
experiments
otherwise
it will defeat people and Add a comma
otherwise,
leads
them to death. Correct subject-verb agreement
lead
For instance
, A survey has been carried out in the Unites
Correct your spelling
United
state
on a type of cancer which was so hazardous and common among Fix the agreement mistake
States
elderly
. Before accomplishing it, a huge fund had been given to Correct article usage
the elderly
found
a novel treatment to curb the disease Wrong verb form
find
it
as soon as possible. Correct pronoun usage
apply
Also
, education
can improve and innovate methods of researches
which need funding from external resources Fix the agreement mistake
research
such
as society or state. Specially
universities need to Replace the word
Especially
support
their elite student for innovation because they must concentrate on their education
.
In conclusion, there are rational views about investing on
arts and healthcare. I think in Change preposition
in
despite
of Correct your spelling
spite
matter
of Correct article usage
the matter
art
, money
should be spent on health
as well as
education
due
to logical public would assist Change preposition
because
artists
.Submitted by Pegahghaderi85 on
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Task Achievement
To enhance task achievement, ensure that your essay fully addresses all parts of the task. While you've discussed both views and given your opinion, consider expanding on your examples to make them more detailed and directly linked to your argument. For instance, rather than mentioning a generic survey in the United States, offer a specific example that directly supports your argument about the importance of funding public health and education.
For coherence and cohesion, try to improve the flow of your essay by connecting ideas more smoothly. Use a variety of linking words and phrases to better guide the reader through your argument. Also, pay attention to paragraph structure; each argument and corresponding example should be clear and logically follow from the previous point. Improving transitions between paragraphs can also help,
Task Achievement
For Task Achievement, to score higher, you need to make sure your response is fully developed. This can be achieved by providing more comprehensive examples and ensuring that each part of the question is addressed equally. Your essay leans more towards supporting health and education without providing a balanced discussion on the funding for arts.
