IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people argue the government should support the funds for arts, while others argue that the money should be used for public health and education. Discuss both those views and give your opinion.

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According to
Linking Words
 some,
money
Use synonyms
 should be allocated to
support
Use synonyms
artists
Use synonyms
 by
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
,
others
Correct word choice
while others
show examples
 say that the
money
Use synonyms
 ought to be spent
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
health
Use synonyms
 and educational aspects. In my view,
although
Linking Words
 investing
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
art
Use synonyms
 can promote culture, I believe that it should be utilized to
support
Use synonyms
educations
Fix the agreement mistake
education
show examples
 and increase people’s
health
Use synonyms
 because
educated
Correct article usage
an educated
show examples
 society might
support
Use synonyms
artists
Use synonyms
. On the one hand,
art
Use synonyms
need
Change the verb form
needs
show examples
 to be supported financially by states. There are many
artists
Use synonyms
 who are preconsciously talented in
this
Linking Words
 field;
however
Linking Words
, they cannot illustrate their
arts
Fix the agreement mistake
art
show examples
due to
Linking Words
 lack of
support
Use synonyms
. To explain more, creating
a pieces
Correct the article-noun agreement
a piece
pieces
show examples
 of memorable
art
Use synonyms
need
Correct subject-verb agreement
needs
show examples
money
Use synonyms
 and
arsis
Correct your spelling
artists
show examples
 usually cannot afford to
providing
Change the verb form
provide
show examples
 materials related to it. Apparently,
artist
Add an article
the artist
an artist
show examples
 looking for a sponsorship to tackle the issue.
For instance
Linking Words
, there are many people who said that, if we had a sponsor, we would have created unbelievable
art
Use synonyms
.
Hence
Linking Words
,
money
Use synonyms
 not only
play
Correct subject-verb agreement
plays
show examples
 an important role, but
also
Linking Words
 it can assist
artists
Use synonyms
 to focus on their job to reach
at
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
the peak of his/her career.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, investment
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
health
Use synonyms
 and
education
Use synonyms
 should be the main priority. In developing and developed nations,
due to
Linking Words
 improving industry, numerous serious illnesses are appearing which need to adopt
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
great
measure
Fix the agreement mistake
measures
show examples
 to surmount the problem. In
this
Linking Words
case
Add a comma
case,
show examples
money
Use synonyms
need
Correct subject-verb agreement
needs
show examples
 to be given by
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 to conduct
influx
Correct article usage
an influx
show examples
 number of
experiment
Fix the agreement mistake
experiments
show examples
 to solve the issue,
Linking Words
otherwise
Add a comma
otherwise,
show examples
 it will defeat people and
leads
Correct subject-verb agreement
lead
show examples
 them to death.
For instance
Linking Words
, A survey has been carried out in the
Unites
Correct your spelling
United
show examples
state
Fix the agreement mistake
States
show examples
 on a type of cancer which was so hazardous and common among
elderly
Correct article usage
the elderly
show examples
. Before accomplishing it, a huge fund had been given to
found
Wrong verb form
find
show examples
 a novel treatment to curb the disease
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
as soon as possible.
Also
Linking Words
,
education
Use synonyms
 can improve and innovate methods of
researches
Fix the agreement mistake
research
show examples
 which need funding from external resources
such
Linking Words
 as society or state.
Specially
Replace the word
Especially
show examples
 universities need to
support
Use synonyms
 their elite student for innovation because they must concentrate on their
education
Use synonyms
. In conclusion, there are rational views about investing
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 arts and healthcare. I think in
despite
Correct your spelling
spite
show examples
 of
matter
Correct article usage
the matter
show examples
 of
art
Use synonyms
,
money
Use synonyms
 should be spent on
health
Use synonyms
as well as
Linking Words
education
Use synonyms
Linking Words
due
Change preposition
because
show examples
 to logical public would assist
artists
Use synonyms
.

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Task Achievement
To enhance task achievement, ensure that your essay fully addresses all parts of the task. While you've discussed both views and given your opinion, consider expanding on your examples to make them more detailed and directly linked to your argument. For instance, rather than mentioning a generic survey in the United States, offer a specific example that directly supports your argument about the importance of funding public health and education.
For coherence and cohesion, try to improve the flow of your essay by connecting ideas more smoothly. Use a variety of linking words and phrases to better guide the reader through your argument. Also, pay attention to paragraph structure; each argument and corresponding example should be clear and logically follow from the previous point. Improving transitions between paragraphs can also help,
Task Achievement
For Task Achievement, to score higher, you need to make sure your response is fully developed. This can be achieved by providing more comprehensive examples and ensuring that each part of the question is addressed equally. Your essay leans more towards supporting health and education without providing a balanced discussion on the funding for arts.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • cultural heritage
  • public health
  • education system
  • economic benefits
  • job creation
  • tourism
  • local economies
  • quality of life
  • essential services
  • community engagement
  • mental health
  • social cohesion
  • public funding
  • balanced budget
  • investment in arts
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