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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

ln many parts of the world, children orc given more freedom than in the past. ls this a positive or o negative development?

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Nowadays,
children
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 in many parts of the world enjoy more
freedom
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 than in previous generations.
This
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 shift has sparked a debate on whether
this
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 change is beneficial or detrimental to
children
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's
development
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. One of the main arguments in
favor
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favour
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 of giving
children
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 more
freedom
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 is that it fosters independence and decision-making skills. With the liberty to explore,
children
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 learn to navigate the world on their own terms, which is crucial for their personal
development
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 and self-esteem.
This
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 increased
freedom
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also
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 allows
children
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 to discover their interests and passions, leading to a more fulfilling and directed life.
On the other hand
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, critics argue that too much
freedom
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 can be harmful. Without sufficient guidance and boundaries,
children
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 might make poor decisions that could affect their health and safety.
Additionally
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, the lack of structure might lead to difficulties in understanding limits and responsibilities, potentially resulting in
behavioral
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behavioural
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 issues. In my view, granting more
freedom
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 to
children
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 is a positive
development
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, provided that it comes with appropriate support and guidance from adults. It's essential for
children
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 to have opportunities to explore and grow independently, but adults must
also
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 ensure they understand the consequences of their actions and learn to make wise choices. The increase in
freedom
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 given to
children
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 today reflects changes in societal attitudes towards parenting and child
development
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.
While
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 there are valid concerns about the potential risks of too much
freedom
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, these can be mitigated with careful oversight and education. Ultimately, equipping
children
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 with the tools to navigate their
freedom
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 responsibly will prepare them better for the complexities of adult life.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph builds logically from the previous one, and that all paragraphs support your overall argument. You've done well, but there's always room for refinement for even clearer logical flow.
coherence cohesion
Your essay effectively includes an introduction and conclusion which clearly state your main argument and summary, respectively. To enhance, consider adding a more impactful statement or a call to action in your conclusion.
coherence cohesion
You have supported most of your main points with explanations. To further strengthen your essay, integrate more specific examples or data to back up your arguments. Real-world examples or statistics can significantly enhance your persuasiveness.
task achievement
Your essay adequately addresses the task, presenting a balanced view and concluding with your opinion. To improve, ensure that every part of the question is fully explored and that your position is consistently clear throughout.
task achievement
Your ideas are clear and comprehensive for the most part. Enhancing clarity could involve refining your topic sentences and ensuring they're directly supported by the sentences that follow, making it easier for the reader to follow your reasoning.
task achievement
You’ve used some relevant examples, but adding more specific and varied examples could further enrich your essay. Consider different contexts or perspectives to bring to light, which can make your essay more engaging and convincing.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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