Some people believe that children of all ages should have extra responsibilities (for example, helping at home or at work). Others believe that, outside of school, children should be free to enjoy their lives.

#people #children #ages #responsibilities #home #work #school #lives

People have different views about whether

children

of every age should have

further

tasks (

such

as assisting in house chores) or they should relish their spare time.

While

kids

should be pleased with their childhood, I believe that they should be taught to be more responsible for their future life. On the one hand, it is generally accepted that

children

are not grown enough to spend their time on anything but entertainment. Their preference is playing and having fun rather than helping

parents

Moreover

kids

may injure themselves

due to

a lack of information about dangerous things.

Parents

choose not to ask

children

to give them a hand and take them away from any possible harm. Hospitals witness a large number of injured

kids

whose

parents

ask them for help. It can

therefore

be argued that

kids

' assistance is not completely beneficial for their

parents

On the other hand

, it is advised by psychologists that if

children

do simple activities in their childhood, they will learn to take on more complicated duties in their adulthood. It is obvious that those who take responsibility from a young age

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

will gradually achieve different abilities which will be helpful for their future.

In addition

children

will feel satisfied and proud, if their

parents

ask them to carry out something for their sake.

This

will demonstrate a sense of self-confidence in

kids

' minds. As an illustration, we can see

children

who get used to contributing at home, are more punctual and confident compared with their same-aged

kids

Consequently

, we can understand why some people are against giving responsibilities to

kids

but it seems more reasonable to bring up our

children

with some tasks ranging from easy to difficult regarding their age and abilities and let them be ready for their upcoming days.

Submitted by keyhan454 on Tue Mar 05 2024

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Task Achievement

For Task Achievement: Ensure that your essay directly addresses every aspect of the task. Your response covers the topic well, but you could include more specific examples to illustrate your points. This will make your argument stronger and more persuasive.

Coherence and Cohesion

For Coherence and Cohesion: Your essay is well-organized, and the ideas flow logically from one paragraph to another. However, to enhance cohesion, make sure to use a wider range of linking words and phrases. This will help to connect your ideas more smoothly and clarify the relationships between your points.

General

Additionally, careful proofreading is crucial to eliminate minor grammatical errors and improve overall readability. Even small mistakes can distract from the quality of your arguments.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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10Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

298 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 8.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

extra responsibilities
develop skills
life lessons
work ethic
sense of responsibility
contribute to
family
community
playtime
physical development
mental development
balance
enjoyment
guide
childhood

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Some people believe that children of all ages should have extra responsibilities (for example, helping at home or at work). Others believe that, outside of school, children should be free to enjoy their lives.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Students should pay the full cost for their own study, because university education benefits individuals rather than society. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people say that death penalty is the only way to decrease the rate of crime. while others believe that there are other better ways. Discuss both ideas and give your own opinion.

Some people believe that professionals, such as doctors and engineers, should be required to work in the country where they did their training. Others believe they should be free to work in another country if they wish. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.