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Band 7.5

Some people believe that children of all ages should have extra responsibilities (for example, helping at home or at work). Others believe that, outside of school, children should be free to enjoy their lives.

#people #children #ages #responsibilities #home #work #school #lives
People have different views about whether
children
 of every age should have
further
 tasks (
such
 as assisting in house chores) or they should relish their spare time.
While
kids
 should be pleased with their childhood, I believe that they should be taught to be more responsible for their future life. On the one hand, it is generally accepted that
children
 are not grown enough to spend their time on anything but entertainment. Their preference is playing and having fun rather than helping
parents
.
Moreover
,
kids
 may injure themselves
due to
 a lack of information about dangerous things.
Parents
 choose not to ask
children
 to give them a hand and take them away from any possible harm. Hospitals witness a large number of injured
kids
 whose
parents
 ask them for help. It can
therefore
 be argued that
kids
' assistance is not completely beneficial for their
parents
.
On the other hand
, it is advised by psychologists that if
children
 do simple activities in their childhood, they will learn to take on more complicated duties in their adulthood. It is obvious that those who take responsibility from a young age
,
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 will gradually achieve different abilities which will be helpful for their future.
In addition
,
children
 will feel satisfied and proud, if their
parents
 ask them to carry out something for their sake.
This
 will demonstrate a sense of self-confidence in
kids
' minds. As an illustration, we can see
children
 who get used to contributing at home, are more punctual and confident compared with their same-aged
kids
.
Consequently
, we can understand why some people are against giving responsibilities to
kids
 but it seems more reasonable to bring up our
children
 with some tasks ranging from easy to difficult regarding their age and abilities and let them be ready for their upcoming days.
Submitted by keyhan454 on

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Task Achievement
For Task Achievement: Ensure that your essay directly addresses every aspect of the task. Your response covers the topic well, but you could include more specific examples to illustrate your points. This will make your argument stronger and more persuasive.
Coherence and Cohesion
For Coherence and Cohesion: Your essay is well-organized, and the ideas flow logically from one paragraph to another. However, to enhance cohesion, make sure to use a wider range of linking words and phrases. This will help to connect your ideas more smoothly and clarify the relationships between your points.
General
Additionally, careful proofreading is crucial to eliminate minor grammatical errors and improve overall readability. Even small mistakes can distract from the quality of your arguments.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • extra responsibilities
  • develop skills
  • life lessons
  • work ethic
  • sense of responsibility
  • contribute to
  • family
  • community
  • playtime
  • physical development
  • mental development
  • balance
  • enjoyment
  • guide
  • childhood
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