Some people say the government should give priority to healthcare. Others say they should spend more money on other problems. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

In recent years, the question of whether governments should prioritise investments in healthcare has been widely debated.
While
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some contend that governments should allocate more money to healthcare services since they are the most critical sector, others believe that other areas, particularly education and the environment, are more important.
This
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essay will discuss both perspectives and explain why I support the latter viewpoint.
To begin
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with, opponents argue that governments should spend large sums on medical facilities. They point out that advanced medical centres can improve the citizens' well-being, which creates more productive employees, thereby boosting the economy.
For example
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, Germany has a powerful workforce
due to
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its heavy investment in hospitals, which is why the country ranks among the top ten strongest economies.
Moreover
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, when a nation equips hospitals with advanced technologies and professional staff, it can prevent diseases from spreading or worsening, saving a large amount of money compared to treating terminal illnesses.
On the other hand
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, I agree with those who advocate that other fields are more crucial to be funded. Educating individuals can empower them to choose sustainable lifestyles, including following a plant-based diet, using bicycles, and cutting down on sugary drinks, all of which can enhance their long-term health.
For instance
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, a 2020 study in the United States found that only 9% of educated residents developed one of the chronic conditions,
such
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as cardiovascular disease, diabetes, or hypertension, underscoring the importance of an educated population.
Furthermore
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, investing in eco-friendly products significantly reduces levels of pollution, global warming, and deforestation, which not only protects the ecosystems and human life but
also
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promotes tourism.
To conclude
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,
although
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healthcare should be sufficiently funded, I am convinced that it is more effective to distribute the majority of funds to education and environmental protection, where the government can ensure economic growth and a healthier population.

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task
You cover both sides and add your view. To raise score, be clear on your main aim in the first part and end with a strong, clear view.
coherence
Make each paragraph hold one main idea and use simple links so the ideas move easier.
style
Use short, plain sentences and add more clear examples.
organization
Clear plan with an intro, body and conclusion
examples
Good use of real examples such as Germany and a US study
perspective
Your view comes through in the ending
Topic Vocabulary:
  • government
  • health
  • care
  • money
  • spend
  • budget
  • problem
  • others
  • view
  • think
  • believe
  • balance
  • invest
  • improve
  • education
  • housing
  • environment
  • economy
  • taxes
  • cost
  • benefit
  • result
  • plan
  • right
  • fair
  • waste
  • disease
  • illness
  • work
  • people
  • future
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