Growing up in the city is better for children's development, and it helps them have a good life later on compared to living in the village. Do you agree or disagree?
Evolving up in the town is best for
children
's development and helps them have a better life later than living in the countryside. I think the city
has a lot of potential. but I do not agree that the city
is better for children
to grow up in than the countryside. Children
in the city
lack the time to interact with others around them, and the village
's picturesque surroundings and pure air contribute to their healthy development.
To begin
with, everyone is preoccupied with their jobs, and parents frequently do not have enough time for their kids in the city
. Parents who work for companies are less involved with their children
. They usually go to work in the morning and come back late. Children
cannot communicate with people
because the people
around them are like that. This
can cause the child to become deeply depressed. For example
, children
tend to be innovative, so they want to play with people
on the street. There will be many criminals in the city
. That's why people
don't trust each other. Parents in the city
often force their children
to stay at home instead
of on the street. This
negatively affects the development of communication.
Secondly
, the beautiful surroundings and fresh air of the village
help them grow up healthy. Almost every family in the village
grows various fruit and vegetable products on their farm. Without any harmful pharmaceuticals or fragrance enhancers. Children
are healthier if they eat vegetables and fruits grown in natural sunlight. In the village
, everyone is in harmony with each other. Children
can play without fear on the playground.
In conclusion, for the main reasons I have relied on, I think it is better for children
to grow up in the countryside than in the city
.Submitted by mamashukuruvbobur31 on
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task achievement
Your introduction presents the essay topic, but it can be refined to be more engaging and fluid. Instead of 'Evolving up in the town is best,' use 'Growing up in the city is...' for better clarity.
coherence cohesion
Work on making seamless transitions between sentences and paragraphs. Although your ideas are coherent, smoother transitions will enhance readability.
task achievement
Try to incorporate more specific examples or statistics to strengthen your argument, thereby giving more credibility to your points.
coherence cohesion
Avoid repetitive phrases. Instead of repeating 'in the city' or 'in the village,' use synonyms or rephrase your sentences for variety.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes your points, reinforcing your stance.
task achievement
You provided two main points that support your argument, and they are well-explained.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear structure: introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. This helps in maintaining a coherent flow.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.