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Writing Samples
Band 7

Growing up in the city is better for children's development, and it helps them have a good life later on compared to living in the village. Do you agree or disagree?

#city #children #development #life #village
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Evolving up in the town is best for
children
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's development and helps them have a better life later than living in the countryside. I think the
city
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 has a lot of potential. but I do not agree that the
city
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 is better for
children
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 to grow up in than the countryside.
Children
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 in the
city
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 lack the time to interact with others around them, and the
village
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's picturesque surroundings and pure air contribute to their healthy development.
To begin
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 with, everyone is preoccupied with their jobs, and parents frequently do not have enough time for their kids in the
city
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. Parents who work for companies are less involved with their
children
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. They usually go to work in the morning and come back late.
Children
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 cannot communicate with
people
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 because the
people
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 around them are like that.
This
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 can cause the child to become deeply depressed.
For example
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,
children
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 tend to be innovative, so they want to play with
people
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 on the street. There will be many criminals in the
city
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. That's why
people
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 don't trust each other. Parents in the
city
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 often force their
children
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 to stay at home
instead
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 of on the street.
This
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 negatively affects the development of communication.
Secondly
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, the beautiful surroundings and fresh air of the
village
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 help them grow up healthy. Almost every family in the
village
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 grows various fruit and vegetable products on their farm. Without any harmful pharmaceuticals or fragrance enhancers.
Children
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 are healthier if they eat vegetables and fruits grown in natural sunlight. In the
village
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, everyone is in harmony with each other.
Children
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 can play without fear on the playground.  In conclusion, for the main reasons I have relied on, I think it is better for
children
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 to grow up in the countryside than in the
city
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.
Submitted by mamashukuruvbobur31 on

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task achievement
Your introduction presents the essay topic, but it can be refined to be more engaging and fluid. Instead of 'Evolving up in the town is best,' use 'Growing up in the city is...' for better clarity.
coherence cohesion
Work on making seamless transitions between sentences and paragraphs. Although your ideas are coherent, smoother transitions will enhance readability.
task achievement
Try to incorporate more specific examples or statistics to strengthen your argument, thereby giving more credibility to your points.
coherence cohesion
Avoid repetitive phrases. Instead of repeating 'in the city' or 'in the village,' use synonyms or rephrase your sentences for variety.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes your points, reinforcing your stance.
task achievement
You provided two main points that support your argument, and they are well-explained.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear structure: introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. This helps in maintaining a coherent flow.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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