IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe that there should be fixed punishments for each type of crime. Others, however, argued that the circumstances of an individual crime, and the motivation for committing, should always be taken into account when deciding on the punishment. Discuss both point of view and give your own opinion.

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As we
Correct word choice
We
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 believe that any
crimes
Use synonyms
 have any
triggered
Replace the word
trigger
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 to do their actions. Within that, people argue if
individuals
Use synonyms
 get
involve
Change the form of the verb
involved
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 in any kind
or
Correct your spelling
of
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Use synonyms
crimes
Fix the agreement mistake
crime
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 will get the same
punishments
Use synonyms
, whether
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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based
Add a missing verb
is based
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from
Change preposition
on
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 their
circumstances
Use synonyms
 or motivation. But, in my opinion, it has to be treated with different
punishments
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, which is
motivation
Add an article
the motivation
a motivation
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 for committing
Correct article usage
the needs
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needs
Fix the agreement mistake
need
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 to punish more rather than based on the
circumstances
Use synonyms
 of an individual. On the
first
Correct word choice
other
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 hand, people who have motivation
for
Change preposition
to
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 committing a
crime
Use synonyms
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
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 a realization of their steps and goals
what
Correct word choice
that
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 they need to achieve.
Moreover
Linking Words
, in
this
Linking Words
Use synonyms
crime
Add a comma
crime,
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 their feelings
also
Linking Words
 involve
like
Change preposition
apply
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anger, revenge, greed, lust, and other negative feelings to
making
Wrong verb form
make
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this
Linking Words
crime
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 achieved.
For example
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,
corruption
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in corruption
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, if the
individuals
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that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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already
had
Wrong verb form
have
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 anything but still cannot
fulfill
Change the spelling
fulfil
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 their
greedy
Replace the word
greed
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, they will
planning
Wrong verb form
plan
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 to try making a scheme
which
Change preposition
in which
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 they can
got
Change the verb form
get
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 free money from
illegal
Add an article
the illegal
an illegal
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resource
Fix the agreement mistake
resources
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. From
this
Linking Words
crime
Use synonyms
, we need to give the criminals more
punishments
Use synonyms
 like
send
Wrong verb form
sending
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 them to
a
Remove the article
apply
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jail and
take
Wrong verb form
taking
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 all their wealth.
On the other hand
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, people who have
a bad
Correct the article-noun agreement
bad circumstances
a bad circumstance
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circumstances
Use synonyms
 like poverty and cannot work to
fulfill
Change the spelling
fulfil
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 their basic needs because of something. In
this
Linking Words
 situation, they cannot
do
Verb problem
make
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 proper plans, or make some steps
to
Change preposition
apply
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because
of
Change preposition
apply
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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poverty
forced
Wrong verb form
forces
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 them to
do
Verb problem
commit
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a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Use synonyms
crime
Fix the agreement mistake
crimes
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 so they can live
more
Change the word
apply
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longer.
Moreover
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, they do not really target some specific
individuals
Use synonyms
Linking Words
also
Correct pronoun usage
who also
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 do the
crime
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 roughly. With
this
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 situation, we need
different
Add an article
a different
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 approach for them, rather than to punish them
to put
Change preposition
by putting
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in
Correct pronoun usage
them in
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a
Remove the article
apply
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jail, we can try
put
Fix the infinitive
to put
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 them on a foundation
Linking Words
then
Correct word choice
and then
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 give them some education and a better place to live. In conclusion,
punishments
Use synonyms
 should be given for every
Use synonyms
crimes
Change to a singular noun
crime
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 that
happened
Wrong verb form
happens
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.
However
Linking Words
,
individuals
Use synonyms
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
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did
Verb problem
committed
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 some
crimes
Use synonyms
 because of their
circumstances
Use synonyms
 need to dig more
for
Change preposition
into
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 their
Use synonyms
crime
Fix the agreement mistake
crimes
show examples
 and give them different
punishment
Fix the agreement mistake
punishments
show examples
.

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Task Achievement
To improve your Task Achievement score, make sure your essay directly addresses all parts of the task. This includes discussing both viewpoints thoroughly before stating your own opinion. Aim to balance the discussion to ensure each viewpoint is equally represented.
Coherence and Cohesion
To elevate your score in Coherence and Cohesion, work on the logical flow of your ideas. Use a variety of linking words to connect sentences and paragraphs. Also, ensure your paragraphing clearly separates different ideas, making your argument easier to follow.
Task Achievement
Develop your main points by providing more specific examples and explanations. Remember, the quality of your arguments is improved significantly by how well you can support them with relevant examples.
General Advice
Review and correct grammatical errors and work on sentence structure variety to make your writing more engaging. Paying attention to grammar and vocabulary would also help enhance the clarity and accuracy of your message.
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